


Soulmates

by Bangel4ever



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Bangel - Freeform, Bangel Sex, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 14:33:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 36,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16518308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bangel4ever/pseuds/Bangel4ever
Summary: Totally AU. Buffy & Angel are actors and well...soulmates (we all know it right?). No matter where life takes them, soulmates will always find their way back to another. I’m writing this in Angel’s POV. Some parts of the story may seem somewhat familiar with but I just cannot get it out of my head. Hope you like this!





	1. Chapter 1

Love. From the moment you were born, love fills your life; from your parents, your siblings, your grandparents, relatives and as you age, you begin to understand different types of love; puppy love, platonic love, then there is a kind of love that hits you…sometimes you see it, most times you don’t…it excites you, moves you, changes you…It makes your heart skip and you feel all warm and fuzzy inside….the love of romance.

Believe it or not, being a man, the general consensus is that we don’t dream about marriage or wonder or care about love as much as our female counterpart but we actually do; albeit in a different way. I don’t think about what flowers to pick, what theme my wedding will be or how the food is like. I don’t have this fantasy where I will fall in love at first sight or meet my soulmate and spend the rest of my life with her; no, nothing like that but I wonder who she is, when will I meet her, how will I know that she’s the one?

Throughout high school and college I dated a few girls but was only serious with one; Iris. We met in college in Philadelphia and she was great. I genuinely loved her and after graduation, when I decided to move to Los Angeles to pursue an acting career, she was supportive and relocated her life and career to California to be with me. Like all struggling actors, I took up odd jobs and went for auditions, hoping to catch that big break. She was adapting to life here and we were happy.

After about 3 years, my break came. I got a role on a TV show playing a lawyer who made a reluctant deal with the devil and was forced to do his evil bidding. The character started out to be a guest-star spot but by the following year, when we were renewed for a second season, I became a part of the regular cast. I was ecstatic! Everything was all falling into place and I excitedly called home to proudly say that I am a working actor.

Right before the second season started, I married Iris. We were together for almost 8 years by then and it was time. We had our wedding back in Philadelphia and it was beautiful. Surrounded by our friends and family, we exchanged our vows and promised forever. After the wedding, needing to return to California because of my budding acting career, we had to hold off the honeymoon to start filming the show.

By the time the second season premiered, the show was gaining popularity and there were a lot of press conference, appearances and publicity events that all the cast had to attend to promote our show. It was tiring but a blast because as a cast, we had amazing chemistry. We were all genuinely friends outside the show. We would go for dinners, hang out and just meet up for no reason. I counted myself lucky because it was my first real break, the show was gaining a lot of popularity, my character were fans’ favourite which meant I was getting recognized and the cast got along really well. I could not have asked for something better.

“So, you play this sexy, dark lawyer with a secret. What does it feel like?” asked an interviewer with E!

We were at our show’s network party where they announcing new and returning shows to the network. Our show was the highly anticipated comeback show and the attention on us was crazy!

“He’s a very interesting character to play. I think he has a lot of depth and a lot of story to tell”, I answered.  
  
“Seeing you out of character, you don’t seem like the broody type but Blaine defines and epitomizes broody. Is it hard to channel that broodiness?”  
  
“Oh, he’s broody!” a voice came from my side. It was Buffy’s, tucked in my arms.  
  
“I am not. Don’t listen to her”, I denied.  
  
“Oh please! I’ve seen you brood for 30 minutes straight and you were not even in character. I timed you!”  
  
I giggled.  
  
“Please, don’t listen to her”.  
  
“So, he’s a brooder himself?” the interviewer directed the question to her.

“Totally! He’ll just sit in a corner and brood”.

The interviewer just laughed before asking her next question.

“Okay, a lot of fans are asking. We saw a bit of Blaine and Lara smooching in the first season and there’s clearly romance in the works. I am a fan of the ship myself so will there be more smoochies in this season?”

“You know, a girl doesn’t kiss and tell”, Buffy teased.

“Come on Buffy! Us fans are dying here!”

“I guess you will just have to wait and see”.

“Angel, come on man. Give us something!” the interviewer asked, clearly seeing that Buffy was not going to answer her.

“Well, you will definitely see more of me this season”.

“Aw man, you guys are tough! Okay, last question; what was it like to do the kissing scene?”

I looked down at Buffy and we both smiled at each other.

“Breathtakingly wonderful”, I playfully answered and touched my nose to hers and ended the interview.

Due to the number of fans that showed up, all of them reaching out trying to get a touch of the stars, I held Buffy tighter against me. Shortly after, we were escorted by security to enter the party.

Buffy Summers was my castmate. She was the eponymous character and also my love interest. She was the first friend I made on the show and was considered a veteran in the business. She has been acting since she was 7 and was had accolades in her name.

When I first heard I was to play opposite her, I was nervous. You hear stories about accomplished actors and their arrogance and tantrums. I anticipated her to be demanding and unfriendly but she was completely opposite. She was warm and friendly. When we first met to do the reading, we hit it off and got along very well.

“Buffy! Angel! Over here!”

We turned to see Willow waving at us. She was my castmate too, playing Lara’s reliable best friend. The rest of our castmates were around her having manage to enter the party before us. I held Buffy’s hand and led her through the throngs of people inside.

“Hey Will!”

“The crowd was crazy outside! We thought you guys were right behind us”.

“We were caught by one interviewer so we answered a few questions”, Buffy explained.

“We could barely make it into the party. Xander got his arm pulled by a girl”, Willow teased.

“Hey! In my defence, she was a big girl and the word you’re looking for Will, is yanked. She yanked my arm!”

“Luckily, security managed to escort us inside. We figured you guys got caught too”.

“We were but I had my own personal bodyguard here”, Buffy said, tapping on my chest.

  
I smiled.

Working with Buffy was beyond amazing. Because she is such an experienced actor, she was so open that it was easy for our characters to connect emotionally. She never gave me acting tips or advice but when I’m in character acting a scene with her, I was usually able to portray the correct emotions that were required of me. Like I didn’t need to think so hard or ‘act’ so hard. It came naturally.

Our chemistry was not lost to the fans and we’ve been getting fan mails asking if we’re secretly dating. Of course we’re not. I was a married man and she was dating another actor. I have to admit though; I was incredibly attracted to Buffy. When we first met, I thought she was very beautiful.

When we had our first kissing scene, it was awkward at first because she couldn’t stop giggling that infected me too. But after the third take, I could feel she was in character and the kiss was tongue tangling that it took my breath away. When the director yelled cut, I wanted to keep kissing her. Her lips were so addictive and I silently rejoiced when she asked to do it again. Her reason was of course a professional one; I think I covered his face, she said. We redid the scene and by the sixth take, the director was satisfied. After that, kissing her was a breeze for me and like the other emotions I portray, it came naturally.

Whatever slight attraction or emotion I had for her, I thought nothing of it. I mean come on, this is Hollywood; almost all actresses were attractive. Willow and Cordelia; our other castmate, were beautiful too but I was drawn to Buffy, probably because I had the most scenes with her. As the show progressed and our characters became more emotionally involved, Buffy and I grew closer too. To a point that it seems she was dependant on me, that she needed my presence. When our scenes became emotionally difficult, I was the only one who could calm her and overtime, I truly cared about her. Although she had the most experience acting, because she was young, sometimes people around didn’t treat her right. She hated that. I hated it too. She was so professional, charming and mature that even I forget she’s younger than me. I felt protective towards her and no one dared to misbehave towards her when I was around.

As my professional life was thriving, my personal life was crumbling. Iris hated the long hours I spent on the set, the parties or events I had to make an appearance for to promote the show and how even doing everyday things like grocery shopping, eating out or going to the drycleaners was difficult for us because people recognised me. But the thing she hates the most was my association with Buffy. Whenever I get fan mails on how Buffy and I should be together or when we come across fans who say things like how Buffy was perfect for me, she would walk off in a huff. I reassured her that it was nothing and I tried to include her in my professional world. I would bring her to events, invited her on set and even introduced her to my castmates.

However, word got around how I am with Buffy. The closeness, the protectiveness, the dependency, the assurance I gave Buffy and it was like icing on the cake for Iris. She told me to choose her or the show and I thought she was unreasonable. I have been nothing but Lisaful to my marriage and blamed it on her insecurities. It was evident by that time that my marriage was over. I filed for divorce and moved out.

When our divorce was finalised, Iris went back home to Philadelphia and cut off contact. To say I was sad would be an understatement. Iris was a constant in my life for so long and losing her was hard. I drowned myself in work and stayed away from dating. During the difficult adjustment period, my castmates were amazing especially Buffy. In the first few months of my divorce, she subtly organised dinners and get-togethers for the cast so I wouldn’t be lonely and I was grateful to have found a great friend in her.

Towards the end of the second season, the show’s popularity skyrocketed and we got even busier; attending interviews, conferences, photo shoots and the show even branched out into novels, games and merchandises. By then, our on-screen pairing or what the fans called it, the Blara-ship was considered the hottest couple on TV and pretty soon, requests for our appearance as a couple came pouring in.

When news got out that I was no longer married, the entertainment reporters were having a field day and rumours started that Buffy was the reason my marriage broke down. It hurt her as much as it did me but Buffy was a very private person and refused to comment, simply saying she doesn’t mix personal and work. In truth, while I was still nursing a broken heart, I have to admit Buffy’s presence and friendship was like a soothing balm and I was drawn to her because of the comfort she provided.

Then, there were moments where I would look at her and feel something or I would look at her and was really attracted to the way her eyes sparkled when she talked about what she cooked over the weekend or the way her nose scrunches when she laughs. Figuring that it was just a passing thing and that I was simply in an emotionally vulnerable state, I simply shrugged those moments off and focused on work.

Shortly after the third season started, one of the producers called for a meeting with Buffy and me. Usually when that happens, it means there was going to be a big change for the characters. There was a change alright and a pretty big one; I was offered to start my own show. It was exciting for me because Blaine had so much depth and having my own show meant that I could explore the possibilities. However, this also meant that the Blara-ship that fans loved so much had to end and that was a bit daunting for me and Buffy. Blaine was an integral character in Lara’s life and Lara was the driving force behind Blaine’s. These characters relied on each other as much as Buffy and I relied on each other.

We suggested letting the couple continue their relationship long distance but it was shot down for growth of character and in terms of storyline, it would not be easy and eventually, may not make sense. In conclusion, we had to break up.

The break-up scene was so hard to film. Being the passionate actor that she is, Buffy became the very essence of her character, Lara, crying her eyes out because she was a fan of the Blara-ship herself and did not want it to end. Being the other half of the Blara-ship devastated me too and seeing Buffy bawling was heartbreaking for me. I hugged her and comforted her, telling her it was going to be okay. We had a tearful goodbye on the last day I filmed her show but when we parted, she put on her sweet smile and told me my show will rock.

While promoting the first season of my show, Buffy showed her support by attending the events with me and I was so grateful for that. It was my first time heading my own show and as always, her presence, supporting me and being by my side made the transition easier. The network renewed a second season for my show by the time the tenth episode of the first season was on air. My show was successful and the happiest person other than me was Buffy. She was constantly giving a shout-out to my show and texting me whenever she managed to catch an episode. I was so thankful to her in so many ways. I got my break because of her show and I would like to think that her constant promotion of my show was part of the reason why my show was well-received.

The rumours about me and Buffy died down slightly after I left her show but I would still smile when people asked me about her. I would honestly say that although I don’t see her, she was in my heart and that I would do anything for her. She would do the same, telling reporters that she missed me and that Blara is meant to be. We would still try to keep in touch but meet-ups was getting difficult due to our conflicting schedules and over time, even our texts got lesser.

I got to know about her dating William Pratt through the tabloids and was slightly surprised. I guess the friend part of me expected to hear it from Buffy herself but she seems happy and I knew she has had a crush on William since they worked on a movie previously. Around the same time, I was dating Nina Ash for a couple of months. We met at a party and she was a new actress with a supporting role in a show on another network. We hit it off and I really liked spending time with her. After dating for about 10 months, Nina found out she was pregnant and marriage seems to be the right thing to do. This time my wedding was in Los Angeles and I flew my family in from Philadelphia. I have come to think of LA as my home now.

I was on cloud nine when my son was born and named him Liam. Nina decided to take a break from acting to raise Liam, preferring not to have a nanny. During this time, Buffy got married to William. I was invited but did not attend due to work, sending them a congratulatory gift to commemorate their new lives together.

From time to time, Buffy and I will cross paths due to guest star spots on each other’s shows or we’ll bump into each other at parties. By 2007, due to cancellation, my show aired its final episode and I bid goodbye to Blaine Mason, the character I played for 9 years. Buffy had ended hers a year earlier much to the disappointment of fans and producers because work had already started on the new season. Buffy felt it was the right time to end the show after playing Lara Kaden for 8 years. She wanted to focus on her marriage and explore new projects. Naturally, after her show ended, people asked me what I thought. Of course I support her decision and jokingly added that she can always come over to my show.

By 2009, I was working on my new show. I was a part of an ensemble cast and this time my character was a history teacher in a high school for delinquents. It was an interesting role for me and I savoured my new character. It was an added bonus that the show became popular by mid season one.

Like a curse; when my professional life was going well, my personal life took a toll. My marriage began to hit its rough patch at the fourth year mark. Nina stopped acting completely and was a homemaker. My son was growing up well and attending pre-school. All seemed well and good but there was something missing.

I wasn’t attracted to Nina anymore. She kept herself in shape and looked better than most women her age but there was no spark. I tried to relive the romance and scheduled dinner dates and romantic getaways but it didn’t work. We couldn’t talk. Our dinners were filled with silence or when we do talk, it’s ‘Liam’s teacher called’ or ‘Liam drew you the other day’ or ‘Liam needs new shoes’. I thought back on how we first started dating and wondered what we had in common, what we talked about or what was it about her that attracted me. I was drawing a blank. Was she just a rebound? Was it a whirlwind romance? She appeared when I was ready to date and yeah, we really enjoyed being together back then. We had sex the one time and she got pregnant so marriage was the right thing to do right?

By the sixth year, I knew I wasn’t happy anymore and realised that spending time with my son was the only thing I looked forward to at the end of the day. I decided to have the talk with Nina and explained to her that I was no longer happy in the marriage. Divorce was on my mind but after one failed marriage, I really wanted to make this one work so I suggested we see a marriage counsellor, which we did and we were fine for about a year. Nina even got pregnant again. But shortly after our daughter Kathy was born, I felt I was in a rut again.

I talked to Nina again and this time I broached the topic of divorce and she broke down, begging that we try again, asking me to think of our kids and I agreed. My kids mean everything to me. They were my pride and joy. She also promised to be a better wife but that’s the thing; that was not the issue. She did her wifely duties just fine and on top of that, she was a good mother but what I wanted was a partner. Someone I could connect with and talk to but I convinced myself that she was enough. She takes care of me and the kids, makes sure the house runs smoothly; what more could I ask for? After some time, everything was routine. I go to work, come home, have dinner, spend time with my kids, sleep and started the cycle all over again.

This went on for eight more years before I told myself it was enough. By this time, Nina and I were practically strangers. We would talk only when we had guests or when we were with family but when it was just us, there was nothing. This time, I filed for divorce before telling Nina and she once again broke down but I was adamant in my decision. I got an earful from my parents but unlike my first marriage, I really did try to make this one work and divorce was the last resort.

By the time my divorce was finalised, I had moved out and was staying in my own apartment. I focused on work and rebuilding my life. My only joy was my kids, whom I got to see on weekends. When news broke out on my second failed marriage, Buffy reached out to me. We were still good friends but staying in touch was slightly difficult as we were both busy with life. She herself had two kids, Dawn and Connor. Our kids are about the same age and had been on play dates a few times.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

I sighed into my mobile phone and answered, “I’ll be alright”

“I’m sorry"

“You don’t have to be. Things just didn’t work between us. It hasn’t worked for a long time but we tried to hang on until we couldn’t.”

“How’s Liam and Kathy? How are they taking it?”

“I really don’t know…I mean, it seems like they’re taking it in stride but what’s in their heart, I don’t know and it worries me.”

“Did you try talking to them?”

“Yeah, I asked if they know what happened between Nina and me and they said they do. Honestly, I’m just winging it. I’ve been reading books on this, on what to say to them or how to make this transition easier for them but it’s hard.”

“I guess now you just need to make sure that you’re there when they need you. Make them understand while Nina and you are over, you’re still there for them, you’re still their father.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“I mean, you’re reading books on how to help your kids deal but what about you? How are you dealing?”

I smiled a little. I suddenly realised how much I miss her…her friendship…her smile and warmth.  
  
“Right now, I’m just taking it a day at a time. Eventually with time, it will get better”.

“I know I haven’t been a good friend for some time and life got in the way but I want you to know that if you need someone just to talk, or if you need anything at all, I’m always here for you Angel”.

I felt a pang in my heart and recalled how caring and affectionate she was…that at one point in my life, I was drawn to that part of her. Just seeing her and talking to her used to soothe me.

“I know. Thanks.”

“I gotta go. I need to pick Connor up from school. Maybe, we could meet for a meal soon.”

“Sure. I’d like that.”

“Take care Angel.”

“You too.”

We hung up and I grinned like I haven’t grinned in a long while.


	2. Chapter 2

We had a meal a week later at her favourite Japanese restaurant and since then reconnected with each other. Texts became a norm with us and it was like old times. We would meet up and hang out. Sometimes, castmates from our old show would join us and we reminisce on old times.

By 2016, the show where I was a history teacher was in its last year and I was considering of taking a break before venturing on a new project. At this time, I was offered to star in a drama playing a husband whose wife suffers from short-term memory loss. It was inspired by the movie ‘50 First Dates’ but with a slightly dramatic take.  I was unsure because I really felt I needed a break. I haven’t stopped working in 18 years. I wanted to spend time with my kids and was already planning to bring them on a holiday.

My agent was trying to convince me to take the part because there were a few actors eyeing the role but the producers wanted me however, I was still hesitant. Then, when word got out that Buffy was offered the role of the wife, I was intrigued. This was supposed to be her come back role after being away from TV for 5 years. I called her to ask if she was likely to take the role because honestly, I would love to work with her again. Having her on board would be the deal-maker.

Three months later, we began principal photography for our new show. I was excited to work with Buffy again and apparently, so was the rest of the world. Articles started popping up with headlines like ‘Blaine and Lara reunited’ or ‘Blara-ship is still sailing’ and we were getting requests for interviews. We haven’t even started filming yet. The producers of the new show was ecstatic for the hype but told us to keep things hush hush. 

One month after the photo shoot, we began shooting. It was just like old times, working with Buffy was so familiar and comfortable. Although we haven’t worked together in a long time, we just seem to pick up where we left off. Our chemistry was just as sizzling as it was many years ago. The first season ended with high ratings and the network increased our salaries for the second season. We decided to celebrate as a cast and went out for dinner. Buffy was late claiming that her daughter was unwell but just yesterday; she told me that Dawn was away on a 5-day school trip to Florida. I frowned but didn’t say anything, deciding to ask her about it later.

Dinner was great and we had a great time bonding, talking and just hanging out however, I noticed Buffy was unusually quiet. She wasn’t a very talkative person to begin with but that night, she hardly talked, wasn’t engaging in any of the conversations and was constantly drinking. When she asked for a third bottle of wine, none of our castmates batted their eyelashes but I knew Buffy and she doesn’t drink this much.

“Hey, you okay?” I asked her quietly.

“Yeah.”

“You’re drinking an awful lot today.”

“I can drink if I want to and besides, we’re celebrating right?”

“Yeah but the last time we celebrated your show’s 100th episode, you didn’t drink 3 bottles of wine”.

She smiled at the memory.

“That was a good time. Things were so good back then. William and I were getting serious and everything was good”.

I frowned. She was drunk and was starting to slur. She reached out to pour another glass of wine but I took the bottle out of her reach.

“Hey! Give it back."

“That’s enough wine for you tonight.”

“Angel…”

“You’re going to have a cup of hot coffee”.

* * *

 

 

Two hours later, the dinner party was over and we all went our separate ways. I helped Buffy to her car. She seemed to have sobered up a little after the cup of coffee.

“Are you okay to drive? Should I call William to pick you up?”

“No, I’ll be fine.”

“Why don’t I drive you home? You can send someone to pick up your car tomorrow,” I offered.

“I really feel better after the coffee you ordered for me.”

Her voice seemed so distant, like Buffy wasn’t there.

“Buffy, is everything alright?”

“Of course. I’m just a little tired is all. Thanks for walking me to my car.”

“Sure.”

She leaned and kissed me on the cheek and I felt my heart skipped. When she hugged me and stayed there for a while, my hands instinctively wrapped around her small frame. She was always so easy to hold. I felt my heart beating faster. What was wrong with me? This was my friend Buffy. This was my married friend, Buffy! I can’t be having warm, fuzzy feelings for her. I immediately let my hand drop to my side and moments later, Buffy pulled away. She cupped my face and smiled. I returned her smile and tried to calm my heart.

“You’re truly an Angel, you know that?”

“I think my ex-wives may disagree with you on that,” I chuckled.

“Well, it’s their loss”, she joked.

A moment later her smile vanished.

“You’ll find her, Angel; someone who sees how beautiful you are, how good of a man you are.”

“I don’t know. A part of me doesn’t want to have someone anymore. I think two divorces pretty much speaks a lot about me.”

“I don’t believe that. Two divorces just mean you haven’t found Mrs. Right and that’s okay. Some people find their soulmate much later in life.”

“Soulmate? You believe in that?”

“Of course. You don’t?”

“I mean, you hear stuff like that from like mushy romance novels and stories but come on, I don’t think there is such a thing.”  
  
Buffy didn’t reply and I waited a few moments before asking, “Is William your soul mate?”

She stared at me and smiled.

“Good night, Angel” and got into her car.

She started her engine, looked at me one last time before driving out of the parking lot.

* * *

 

It was Wednesday morning and I got up later than usual. We were given a couple of months break before shooting for the second season started. I was planning to stay at home and unwind. Maybe watch Netflix to catch up on a few shows. I opened my door and picked up my morning paper, turned on the TV and started to brew my coffee. I was intently reading my paper when I heard Buffy’s name on TV.  
  
“TV star Buffy Summers has moved out of the home shared with her husband, William Pratt. Our sources tells us that it is over between the two after William was caught cheating on her with Dru Bates. The couple met on the movie set and dated for 3 years before tying the knot. They have two children aged 12 and 7. At this time, the couple’s rep could not be contacted for further comment. Stay tuned for updates”, the reporter said.  
  
What? William cheating on Buffy with Dru Bates? Is he insane? Dru Bates was immensely popular in the 90s with 2 hit movies and a TV show but anyone who has been in the industry long enough knew that she was bad news. Professionally, she was known to throw tantrums and stormed off set when things didn’t go her way and she lives by the motto; whatever she wants, she gets. And by the looks of it, she got what she wanted again. 

It all fell into place. Why she was distracted on Monday when we had the dinner. Why she was drinking so much. She was drowning her sorrows. I had to talk to her. I immediately called her but there was no answer. I proceeded to call our friends but they also didn’t know where she was. I wasted no time and got in my car and drove around the streets of LA. I drove by her neighbourhood but there were photographers and reporters surrounding her home. I quickly drove away, not wanting to be seen. Her missing Lexus from the driveway meant she was not home. I stopped by the roadside and tried calling her again. Still no answer.

I realised that it was a school day and school was going to be out in 30 minutes. I tried my luck and drove to Connor’s school. I arrived with ten minutes to spare and nothing seems out of the ordinary but after years of being in this industry, my trained eyes noticed that there were at least 3 photographers lurking near the premise. One was hiding behind a tree, another was in his car near the school’s entrance and the last one was sneaking near a property next to the school.

Buffy’s Lexus was nowhere to be seen. I frowned, a little puzzled. Her kids have a nanny that picks them up but whenever she has the time or when her break coincides with the time her kids’ school ends, she picks them up personally. I didn’t know why but I had a feeling that Buffy was here.

Usually celebrities, me included, send their children to private schools or schools with tight security for safety reasons. Their schoolmates will usually be kids of other celebrities and because of the demographics, their teachers and staff are experienced in handling photographers and the media frenzy.  As a celebrity parent, it gives you comfort that your kids are in good hands when they’re in school. Buffy however, sees nothing wrong sending them to a regular school like every other American parent. The regular school her kids went to was a reputable and good school but that meant that she was the only celebrity parent of this school so when you see photographers lurking, you know it’s because of her.

Shortly after, the school bell rang and I felt a tug in me. Like a weird warm feeling coming to me and suddenly, I felt her. I knew where she was. I got out of my car and started walking towards the gate and from the distance, I saw her, her eyes covered with oversized shades and her hair tied in a ponytail. She was looking around, obviously wary of her surroundings.

“Mommy!” was the next thing I heard and all worries seemed to have melted away from her visage, replaced with a smile only for her son as Connor jumped into her arms. I smiled at the sight but it quickly vanished when two photographers suddenly lunge towards them and started snapping pictures. Buffy immediately pulled Connor and tucked him behind her, holding her hand up and looking down, shielding her face away. She kept Connor behind her and tried to walk away from the photographers but when the third one came out suddenly, Buffy was overwhelmed and Connor was scared. By now, there was a crowd surrounding them.

Without hesitation, I immediately raced to the scene and stood in between, shielding them with my body. Buffy looked up at me surprised, “Angel”, she said and my heart skipped again. After a moment, I carried Connor in my right arm, wrapped my left around her shoulders and tucked her at my side. Connor wrapped his small arms around me and buried his face in my shoulder. I could feel him crying.  Buffy held onto me and I felt her fear. I weaved through the photographers but when one of them tugged Buffy’s arm, I lost it. I grabbed his wrist and shoved his hand away.

“Touch her again and you’ll regret it”, I growled. I held Buffy’s hand tightly, pulling her away and briskly walked towards my car. When we drove off, I checked the mirrors, trying to make sure that we were not followed. I was thankful that laws were now more stringent on these reporters and photographers. They knew that if they followed, we could press charges.

I turned into my apartment and Buffy looked at me but didn’t protest. There were media all around her house and my apartment seems like the logical option right now. An hour later, I was seating next to Buffy on my couch. Connor was in Liam’s room, playing computer games. In the hour that passed, Buffy had to calm a sobbing Connor, called her mom to tell her of the incident, I had ordered takeout, tried to help Buffy on Connor by distracting him with Liam’s computer games. At the mention of games, his eyes light up. I snickered. Boys will be boys.

“Thank you”, Buffy said, breaking the silence.  
  
“Sure thing.”

“But you shouldn’t have.”

I frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“Now they’ve seen you. You’re going to be dragged into this mess”

“I don’t care.”

“But Angel…”

“It doesn’t matter, Buffy.”

“I just don’t want you in this! I have enough chaos that’s going on in my life right now and if you got dragged into this, it will be too much for me to handle!”

“Let me worry about that”.

She turned to look at me intently. My heart raced; probably from the adrenaline of what had transpired. She looked so sad.

“Angel…I…I don’t know what to do.”

“It’s okay. You’ll figure this out”.

“What if I can’t? I don’t know how to do this”, silent tears rolled down her cheeks. I felt compelled to wipe the tears away but kept my hands to myself.

“Mommy?”

Buffy immediately wiped her tears and brightened when Connor came to us.

“Why aren’t we going home? Why are we here?”

“Uncle Angel just wanted to talk to me.”

“When is Liam coming home? Isn’t school over for him too?”

“Liam won’t be back for a while but why don’t you just continue with your games?”

“I’m a little tired”.

“It’s his nap time”, she tells me.

“Come here, honey”, opening her arms to scoop Connor up.

Before Connor could go into his mom’s arms, I interject and scooped him up instead.

“Why don’t we give Mommy a break and let Uncle Angel carry you for a while?”

“Okay”, and immediately rested his head on my shoulder.

“Angel, you really don’t have to. It’s fine. I can put him to sleep”, Buffy insisted.

“It’s fine. I want to. You just relax and take a break.”

“You already went through enough trouble”.

“It’s no trouble at all. Just relax”.

Buffy relented and looked at Connor lovingly in my arms. I slowly walked to Liam’s room, lightly swung him from side to side and stroked his back, lulling him to sleep. Ten minutes later, Connor was fast asleep. Poor little boy. He was so exhausted. When I was convinced that his sleep was deep, I carefully placed him on Liam’s bed.

I walked out to the living room and the sight made me stop in my tracks. Buffy was seated, asleep on my couch and not for the first time, I was struck by her beauty. In this line of work, you are easily surrounded by attractive women but to me, Buffy’s beauty was unmatchable. I made my way to the couch, sat next to her and just stared. Suddenly, her head fell forward in slumber and instinctively, I held her shoulder and manoeuvred her so that I could carry her.

Scooping her in my arms, I stood up. I could not tear my eyes away from her face. I stood there for a few minutes. Millions of thoughts run through my head. I do not have a guest room. Should I lay her down on my bed? Did it seem appropriate? Should I bring her to Kathy’s room instead? But her bed will be too small for her. My bed seems the most logical. I walked to my room and gently laid her down. She looked so peaceful asleep and I had this weird urge to lie next to her and let my chest be her pillow. What’s wrong with me? This is Buffy, my friend. Sure, I was attracted to her and had felt something but it was nothing. Just a passing attraction. I mean, I was married to another woman. I build a life with her. Had two kids with her. But I could not deny the fast beats of my heart right now, staring at her, being so close to her. Do I actually have feelings for her?

Her lips slightly parted and god, help me…I want so much to kiss her. As if I had no control, I leaned close to her lips and within inches from touching; I caught myself, pulled back and immediately left my room. This is madness!! She’s still a married woman! What is wrong with me? How could I have all these thoughts about her? What does this all mean? I paced my living room, trying to calm myself down but it did not help. All I wanted was to rush back into my room and give into my heart’s desire but it would be wrong. I could not stay. I had to put as much distance from her as I can. I have to stay away. 

I ended up driving around the streets of LA aimlessly. Buffy is my friend. She’s my very good friend. I repeated those words like a mantra. Over and over again; willing myself to stop whatever this was but it didn’t help. I kept thinking of her soft blonde tresses, that I imagined myself running my fingers in, her lips that I imagined kissing and pecking, her beautiful face that I’m very sure will haunt me in my sleep and every waking moment and how perfectly she fits in my arms; it felt so right to have her there.

It was late at night before I gave into my tired body and mind and drove back home. Upon entering my apartment, I went to Liam’s room to check on Connor, seeing that he was still fast asleep and proceeded to check on Buffy.

She too was still in deep sleep and her back was facing the door. God, even the view of her back was beautiful. Shaking my head off, I walked to my couch and laid there. I did not know how long I laid there but eventually I allowed sleep to come and the last thing on my mind before drifting off was Buffy Summers.

By the time I woke up, I sat up and realized it was morning. I stretched to relieve my cramped muscles that were aching. My long body was not meant to fit my expensive couch. When I sat up, I saw the note on my coffee table.

_Hey,_

_Thank you for yesterday. I didn’t mean to fall asleep and stay so long. I will never forget what you did for me and Connor. You’re such an amazing friend, and truly, my Angel._

_-Buffy_

She was gone. I felt disappointed. What was I expecting? That she stayed till morning? We had breakfast together? I sighed and went to take a shower.


	3. Chapter 3

For the next two and a half weeks, I worked on pushing away whatever my feelings I had for Buffy. We texted a few times. Once, she texted to thank me again. Another time, she asked who my divorce lawyer was, the third time was me texting her, asking how was she and Connor doing and if Dawn was back. Another time was her asking me what was the game I let Connor played and a few other texts that was just small talk.

Before I knew it, it was just a matter of days before shooting for the second season began which means once again, I would have to be around Buffy again and it made me nervous. I was failing miserably to push away the feelings I have for her. I even tried dating Linda, a make-up artist in the industry but I found myself comparing her and Buffy. How her blonde hair wasn’t as shiny and soft looking as Buffy’s, how she wore more makeup than Buffy’s, how she wasn’t as short as Buffy, how her lips wasn’t has delectable as Buffy’s and how she is not as beautiful as Buffy. After only two dates, I decided to end it, claiming that I wasn’t ready for a relationship.

This was it; the day I have to see Buffy again. It was the first day of shooting for our second season. I entered the studio and helped myself to some coffee before making my way to my trailer for make-up. I felt I was split in two. One part looked forward to seeing the woman that makes my heart go pit-a-pat and the other just wanted to run away, telling myself that this is wrong. As I approached my trailer, I tried to peek into Buffy’s which was located next to mine, wondering if she was already here. We usually reach about the same time.

“Morning Angel”, she suddenly greeted me from behind.

I jumped a little and clumsily spilled half a cup of coffee onto my hand. I winced as the hot beverage scalded me. Buffy raised her eyes in concern.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry”, she said as she quickly took away the coffee cup from my hand, pulled out tissues from her bag and dabbed my hand.

“It’s okay”, I said, trying to pull my hand away from her.

“Let me look at it”, she firmly held onto my hand, not allowing me to move it away. Her touch was causing even more fire to the already scorched hand of mine and my already fast beating heart raced further from her innocent touch. When she gently blew on my hand in hopes of easing the pain, I lost my train of thought and stared at her, mesmerized again by her beauty. This is madness!

“It’s really okay, Buffy. I’m fine”, once again, pulling my hand away.

“Let me get you another cup”, she offered.

“No, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“Really, it’s no problem. I want to grab some coffee for myself anyway.”

“Why don’t we walk over together?”

She nodded in agreement.

“Sorry”, she apologised again.

“It’s okay”, I replied as we made the short walk to the coffee station.

“So, how have you been?” I asked. The silence will make my thoughts wander to how good she smelled and how beautiful she looked in jeans and a tank top. I had to make small talk to distract myself.

“Coping. Some days are harder than others but it’s getting better. Will had his stuff moved out of the house yesterday”.

“I’m sorry”.

“Don’t be. I knew it was coming when I decided to file for divorce. Thank you for the lawyer contact by the way.”

“Sure thing.”

“The brutal part was telling my kids. Connor and Dawn was crying and kept asking for Will and I had to tell them that we’re not going to stay together anymore. It’s just hard to see them like that. I mean, somehow, I’ll find a way to move on but my kids; I wish I know what to say to them to make it better.”

“I’ll tell you something that a wise woman once told me; make them understand while William and you are over, you’re still there for them, you’re still their mother. That’s all you can do for now”.

She smiled a little hearing her own advice.

“Does it get easier, Angel?”

“What?”

“This. Divorce.”  
  
“Honestly, it does. It’s going to hurt for now and probably will hurt for some time but it will get better.”

“You’re not just saying that to make me feel better?”

“I’m speaking from experience”, I smiled.

When she smiled at me, I looked at her for a few moments before looking away. My heart was racing again. I was definitely falling for Buffy and I had to fight it but being near her and working with her was going to be difficult. I kept telling myself that I am an actor and this was just a job. Sigh. This was going to be a long day.

For the next few days, I focused on work. Thankfully, me and Buffy had separate scenes mostly. Once again, I tried to put distance between us and when I do have a scene together with her, when it was over, I avoided being in the same room with Buffy for too long. During lunch break, I locked myself in my trailer. Even when Buffy or any of my cast mates invited me to join them for lunch, I politely turned them down, claiming that I wanted to go over my lines.

When the fourth day came around, we had a kissing scene and it wasn’t the simple peck or gentle kissing. It was going to be a full blown make-out session. I was nervous again which is weird, because Buffy and I had done kissing scenes so many times before. We even had to do sex scenes. I’ve always enjoyed kissing scenes with Buffy and I would love it when the director had us do it over and over again but I usually brushed it off as nothing. She was simply an attractive woman who is an amazing kisser. In hindsight, when I thought about it, perhaps, I enjoyed kissing her because I liked her. Now with admission of my feelings for her and being highly aware of how I felt for her, how could I not be nervous for our kissing scene?

“Okay, this scene it’s going to be intense make-out session. There won’t be any directions coming from me. You guys just do it and we’ll film it” Sam, one of the director from our show briefed me and Buffy.

There was no running away now. It’s time. I took a deep breath and calmed myself. It’s just a job. Just another scene. A part of me was thankful that this was the last scene for the day. It was just me, Buffy and the crew. The other cast mates had gone for the day after filming their scenes. I got into position on the couch. Buffy was required to sit on my lap straddling me. Just a job; just another scene I told myself again. When Buffy straddled me, it took all of me to calm myself and my heart. I prayed that she wouldn’t notice.

“Action!”

I immediately kissed her. I could feel Buffy was taken aback by my hasty kissing but she kissed back anyway.

“Cut!” and we broke away.

“The start was a bit too abrupt. You guys are now beginning to realise that you’re in love. The kiss has to be passionate and full of love but it looked like you were attacking her lips. It needs to look that at this moment, there’s only the two of you in the world”, Sam said.

“Okay. Passionate. Got it.” Buffy repeated. I simply nodded.

“Action!”

This time Buffy and I moved in unison and started the kiss lightly. Pecking, gently touching our lips with each other.

“Cut!” again we broke away.

“This time the start was good but remember, it has to be intense. It’s not just pecking. You need to kiss each other as if your whole life depended on it. Just remember, you’re in love. Let’s do it again”.

We did it four more times but it still wasn’t what the director wanted.

“I think we should call it a day. There’s just something missing. Maybe you guys are too tired. We’ll try again tomorrow. Pack up everyone.”

Buffy stood up and apologized, “Sorry. I think I just have too much on my mind.”

“No, I’m not focused too”, I said.

“I really want to nail this though and well”, she said as we walked back to our trailers.

“We will.”

“Perhaps we should practice”.

My eyes widened at her suggestion. Although it’s enticing, I really do not think it was a good idea on my part.

“Practice?”

“Yeah. We used to practice scenes together last time”. But never kissing scenes.

“It’s just, I don’t want to waste everyone’s time tomorrow just because I have too much on my mind. If we practise, I’d be more conscious of my mistakes and catch myself before I do it again”, she continued.

I tried to keep a straight face. I knew that this was strictly professional for her but as I said previously, I do not think it was a good idea.

“I’m not sure if…”

“Please Angel. I really want to nail this in one shot tomorrow. We’ve already wasted a lot of reel as it is today”.

Looking at her pleading eyes, damn, I could not deny her. It’s just a job. Just another scene we had to practise.

We ended up in her trailer and I sat on the one chair she had as she paced in front of me.

“Okay, so I’m in love with you and I want kiss you as though you’re my life. I need to get into character”. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a few moments.

When she opened them, I could see that it wasn’t Buffy staring at me. She walked the few steps towards me and straddled my lap. I could not look away from her eyes. It held so much love and tenderness that made me all warm and fuzzy.

She stared into my eyes as if looking into my soul and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. She rested her forehead against mine and leaned into my lips for a peck. She pecked my lips once, twice before kissing me. She drew her arms around my neck and pulled me closer to her and kissed my lips fully. I returned her kisses and wrapped my arms around her back. This kiss was her practicing but for me, I was pouring my feelings into this.

She moaned and snaked her tongue into my mouth, seeking my own to tangle with. I was taken aback but welcome the appendage and began sucking on it. I could feel my groin hardening as I hugged her tighter, willing her closer to me.

God, she felt so perfect in my arms. I just wanted to keep kissing her. When we broke away, I was gasping for air. I have never been kissed like this. This must be how ‘taking your breath away’ felt like. Buffy too was breathless and she panted; her lips were swollen with my kisses and all I wanted was to kiss her again. I never want to stop kissing her.

“Okay, that was…” her words died as I planted my lips on her again. I knew I would regret this but I could not resist. I have lost all self-control when it comes to her. This was not practise. This was me, kissing the woman I’m hopelessly falling for.

“Angel!” she pulled away and moved off me immediately.

I immediately stood up and apologised.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…it’s just…”

“Just what?"

“It’s nothing. I shouldn’t have just kissed you like that.”

“Just what Angel?”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry I kissed you like that. I gotta go.”

I was prepared to sprint out of her trailer but she held onto my arm.

“Angel please…”

I turned around and stared into her hazel eyes and once again, I could never deny her.

“I’m falling for you, Buffy. I tried to push it away and make it disappear but it’s just there. I think maybe I’ve always felt something for you since we first met but now, you’re all I think about. I have this insane need to see you and I feel like I miss you all the time. Even now, when I’m standing in front of you, I miss you. I know I shouldn’t feel this way but I can’t help it and…”

This time my words got cut off my Buffy’s lips. She was kissing me! A part of me rejoiced as she wrapped her arms around my neck and tiptoed to deepen the kiss. I wrapped my arms around her and lifted her off the floor. This was surreal. I placed her on the dresser and she immediately wrapped her legs around my waist. She reached for the hem of my shirt and pulled it up, breaking the kiss momentarily to pass the shirt off my head and we kissed again. She tugged my belt buckle; her hands hastily undoing it, pulling the belt away and dropped it to the floor. I held her hands in an attempt to slow her down.

“Please Angel…I want you…make me feel again”.

Her words suddenly brought me back to reality. If we were to do it now, it would definitely be heaven for me but is it the same for her? I want to do it because I’m head over heels for her but for Buffy, it isn’t. She was vulnerable. Her soon-to-be ex-husband of 10 years cheated on her with another woman. She questioned her self-worth and is seeking for someone to take this pain away. I want so much to be that someone, but not like this. With all the willpower I had in me, I pulled away from her. She looked at me inquisitively.  
  
“We shouldn’t”, I said.  
  
“I want this, Angel please”, she begged and pulled my arm.

“So do I. More than you know but not this way.”

“What?”

“I’m crazy about you”, a little stunned by my confession but it was true.

“Then what’s the problem?”

“You don’t feel the same way. You’re hurt and vulnerable. I shouldn’t be taking advantage of you this way.”

“You’re not. I want this. I want you.”

“I want us to do it for the same reason. I want so much to comfort you but I’m not going to do it to make you feel better because it won’t. If we do it now, you’ll regret it and when you realise this is a mistake, it’ll just…I care about our friendship too much for that.”

It’ll just kill me I want to say. Buffy released my arms and moving away, seeming to understand what I was saying.

“I’m sorry”, she apologized; obviously embarrassed over what had just transpired.

“No, I should be the one who’s sorry Buffy. I shouldn’t have kissed you like that”.  
  
Buffy straightened up and I began to put my shirt on.

“I should go”, I said and walked to the door.

“Okay”.

As I reached for the door, she called out to me.

“Angel, thank you. For not…you know”.

I smiled and simply said good night and went back to my trailer. I hung around and made sure she left the studio before I went home. That night, I had the coldest shower and dreamt of her.


	4. Chapter 4

Weeks after that incident, things between me and Buffy were tensed to say the least. I never allowed myself to be in a room with her longer than required and Buffy was doing her part by avoiding me, choosing to lock herself in her trailer whenever we had breaks.

I tried to treat her normally whenever we were together, whatever little time we had together but she, on the other hand was a little standoffish. Curt in her replies and never really engaged in a conversation with me, as if she couldn’t wait to get away from me fast enough. God, I hated this.

It was painful for me to try and treat her normally with me having all these warm and fuzzy feelings for her but seeing her hostile reciprocation, it just killed me. A part of regretted telling her; acting on my feelings when I should have just kept quiet but I was in too deep. She fills my head whenever I’m awake and I dream of her when I’m asleep. Soon enough, it was apparent to the crew that something was up with us. We didn’t have the spark anymore. Our scenes seem half hearted and with the first episode of the second season airing soon, Alan, the producer asked for a meeting.

“Care to tell me what’s going on?”

“What do you mean?” I asked innocently.

“Look, I’m not one to care about your personal life but it’s obvious to everyone here that something is up between you two.”

Neither of us said anything.

“Did you two fight or something?”

Silence.

“Why would you say that?” Buffy asked.

“Come on, you guys barely speak to each other and it seems like you cannot stand to be in the same room. Your scenes together are…well, let’s just say the magic that I’ve seen is gone. The reason I wanted the two of you on this show was because of the chemistry you two had. People believe that you two are genuinely in love. These roles called for the characters be deeply in love and I had no doubt you two are perfect for this but now…”

Again, silence.

“Look, you don’t need to tell me what’s going on but fix this. I’m going to call for a wrap today. Work this out”.

The silent walk back to our trailers was awkward to say the least. I was honestly not surprised the crew noticed something was up with us. I mean we all work with such close quarters with each other that they are bound to notice something. After changing into my own clothes, against my better judgement, I knocked on Buffy’s trailer. Alan was right. We need to work this out.

“Angel”, Buffy said.

“Can we talk?”

“I guess”, she moved back and allowed me in.

For a few minutes, I just stared at her. She’s so beautiful that I lost my train of thoughts. I forced myself to look away to gather myself.

‘Get it together, Angel!’

I cleared my throat.

“I’m sorry. Whatever happened a few weeks back, I never meant to be so forward. I definitely do not want this tension happening between us and it’s bad now that it’s affecting our work”, I said.

“So, what do you suggest we do?”

“I don’t know but we need to figure something out. Perhaps we should start by not avoiding each other. We could start slow; maybe have our lunch break together?”

“I could do that”, Buffy smiled and I ignored my heart melting at the sight of her smile.

This was going to be difficult for me but I will not let my personal feelings get in the way of my professional life. That’s the worst thing you can do in show business.

Things between us improved a little. Over the next few weeks, we re-shoot most of the scenes and the director seems to be satisfied with our performance. I’m not sure how Buffy handles it but for me, as lame as it sounds, when we had scenes together, be it kissing or just interaction scenes, I imagined that we were romantic, I poured my feelings for Buffy into it but after that, it was hell to behave normally around her but I somehow managed. I console myself by seeing that acting was the only time I allowed myself to indulge in my feelings for her. How pathetic does that make me? But hey, whatever works, right?

Today’s scene was going to be intense. There was going to be a fight between our characters and after which, an intense love scene. To say I was nervous was an understatement.

“Alright guys, this is going to be an emotional and intense. We’ll really need you to give your all, no holding back”, Sam said.

“Got it”, Buffy said.

We got into position and Buffy softly asked, “You okay?”.

‘No, the thought of making love to you…scratch that…acting as though I’m making love to you excites me but is driving me up the wall!’ I wanted to say.

“Yeah”, I lied.

“Action!”

“Don’t do this.” I pleaded, my forehead against hers.

“No, get away from me!” she pushed me away and started to walk away.

“Baby, please”.

“Please just leave me. Sign the papers and we’ll be done. You’ll meet someone else and..”

“I don’t want someone else! I want you! I love you!”

“Don’t you get tired? Convincing me almost every day that you’re my husband? No one deserves this!”

“I’m not tired and I never will be. When I married you, I promised forever and you’re getting better. With medication, it will get better”.

“What if it doesn’t? What if one day I don’t regain my memory back? What if I forget you completely?”

“Then I will woo you again. Make you love me again. I will not give up on you. I won’t give up on us!”

“I have! I’ve given up. So you may as well give up!”

“I won’t!”

“I’m not worth fighting for! Please, just go and find someone else. You’re such a good man and I don’t deserve you. Just go, please!”

I walked over to her and embraced her and she fights me, pushing me away but I only held her tighter. She begins punching my chest, crying and telling me to let her go. When it was evident I wasn’t letting her go, she hit me everywhere; my chest, my shoulders, my arms, my abs, anything she could get her hands on and I let her. After some time, realising she was fighting a losing battle, she stopped and sobbed, her hands fall limply at her side. I hugged her against me and soothed her for a few moments before searching for her lips, gently kissing it. She didn’t respond and I kissed her again. I want to comfort her. I need her to know how much I love her; that I was not going to give up on her. When she slightly responded to my kiss, I devoured her lips, desperately wanting to show her how much I want her.

When she opened her lips slightly, I snaked my tongue in and sucked on her delicious tongue. I lifted her into my arms and her legs circled around me. I carried her into what was supposed to be our ‘bedroom’ and sat on the bed with her straddling me.

“No, we shouldn’t”, she suddenly break away, but I held my arms tightly around her, not letting her go.

“Yes, we should. Let me love you”, I kissed her again.

Again, she broke the kiss.

“No! If we do this, I won’t be able to leave you”.

“Then don’t leave me. Stay”, I said against her lips.

“But…” and my lips silenced her again. This time I snaked my hand under her skirt and was encouraged that she doesn’t stop me. I pretended to tug her panties away and lifted her and moved my hips. This was the part where we pretend I’m inside her. Buffy broke the kiss and gasped. For a few moments, we stayed still and stared into each other’s eyes. She was supposed to move slightly as if we were copulating. Buffy was sitting on my groin and I was trying my best to ignore the ever growing anatomy. We were in this position before and sure, I get a hard-on but this was different. I want so much for this to be real; to feel her inside me.

I mentally smacked myself and focused on the scene. I pushed my hips up and said my lines, “Don’t leave me. I want you. I need you”.

Buffy began to grind me, back and forth. I was a little shocked. This was not a part of the scene. She was merely supposed to move up and down but no, she was giving me a lap dance. I could feel my girth growing but I didn’t want her to stop. Her grinding grew more aggressive and I was trying hard not to get caught up in the moment. We were still doing a scene and there were like 30 people watching us but god, she’s driving me crazy. She nuzzled her nose against mine and began to pant.

“Angel”, she whispered so softly that only I could hear. Am I hearing things? Did she call my name? Could it be?

I gently held her face and she opened her eyes. In a flash, I saw the change in her eyes. I see Buffy staring at me. Not her character but Buffy’s eyes was looking at me and I lost control. I dug my fingers into her hips, pushed her further into my groin and kissed her. My kiss was different; it was me kissing Buffy Summers, a desperate kiss for her to know how crazy I am about her and surprisingly, I could feel this was Buffy kissing me back and I allowed her to feel my girth. This hardness, this want is all for her. My breath became rugged and Buffy moved even harder and faster with no inhibitions and moments later…

“Cut!”

Great! Now, he says cut. We stopped moving and held each other, both gasping for breath. Buffy quickly recovered and stood up. I casually leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees, in an attempt to hide my very wet hard-on.

“Wow! That was perfect! You guys are amazing. I didn’t even have to tell you anything. This is perfect! And it’s a wrap! Good job everyone!  We’ll film the love scene tomorrow. Whatever it is you guys are thinking now, bring it back tomorrow. That was great!” Sam exclaimed.  
  
Buffy turned to me and asked, “You okay?”  
  
“I…um…I didn’t mean to…” awkwardly trying to explain my arousal.  
  
“I know. Don’t worry about it.”

She walked away and all I could do was watch her beautiful back walking away from me. As I walked to my trailer, my head couldn’t wrap around what just happened. I know I wasn’t imagining it; she said my name just now. It probably didn’t mean anything to her but a part of me was hoping that there was something. I remembered how she begged me to comfort her but I also know she was vulnerable. She just wanted to feel. Was that what it was today? I pushed away my thoughts, stared at her trailer for long moments and got into my trailer. By the time I was ready to leave, she was gone; her Lexus no longer in its designated space. I was disappointed again.

As expected, the love scene was even more difficult than the scene yesterday. I tried so hard to control myself and think about other things when performing but it didn’t help. This is ridiculous! On the professional end, this was not my first love scene so I should view this as just a job and on the personal end, I have experienced sex before with more than one woman but why do I get excited like I’m some hormonally driven teenager with Buffy. I’m a grown man!

But god, her touch on me ignited things within me that I never felt before. I was on fire and her fingers roaming my back were driving me insane. I moved my hips as if thrusting into her and she panted. Must she make it seem that she was so realistically turned on by this? When she moved up and kissed me, which again was not a part of the planned scene, I gave in. Damn me! Why can’t I resist her? This is just a job to her. She’s going to just walk away back to her trailer and I will again have to..

“Ang..” she whispered softly when she broke away, before biting her lips.

Wait! There it is again. She was going to say my name again! Right?

I lifted myself off her and made her look into my eyes. Again, I see it. For a few seconds, Buffy was looking back at me and it was gone. She was back in character.

“I love you”, she said. But I knew it wasn’t Buffy saying it. She was just saying her line and I recalled my part. I leaned forward and kissed her neck before whispering in her ear, “Don’t ever leave me. You’re my whole world”.

“Cut!”

Again, Sam complimented us on the scene. I tuned out his words and my eyes focused on Buffy as she moved away from me. I could tell she avoided my eyes and immediately darted for her trailer to prepare for the next scene. Throughout the day, I tried to be professional but being around Buffy was becoming unbearable. When Sam called for a wrap, I just had this insane feeling that I need to talk to her.

“I cannot do this anymore!” it came out harsher than I expected it to be.

“What are you talking about?”

“This! Us! I tried so hard to push my feelings away and I tried to avoid you. I tried to date but you’re in my head every time! Every time I’m awake, when I try to sleep, god even when I don’t want to think of you you’re in my head!”

“Well, what do you want me to do?”

“And I would be fine to pine over you the rest of my miserable life but when we do our scenes, you call out my name and you do things to me as though you…like you’re…”

“I’m what?”

“I just want it to stop! Don’t torture me Buffy, please!”

“And you think it’s not torture for me?”

“It doesn’t seem like it is. You just walk away from our scenes like it’s nothing!”

“You think it’s easy for me to see you? When you first told me, I was shocked and I didn’t know how to react. And I was an idiot! I begged you to…I…I manipulated your feelings for me! I was vulnerable and needy and I just wanted something! God! I wish I could take that day away but after…when I went home, I remembered. I remembered what a good friend you are. How you’re always there for me when I needed you. What a good man you are and since then, I can’t stop thinking about you and this is wrong! My divorce was just finalized one week ago and here I am, falling for you.”

“What?” I cannot believe my ears.

“Believe me, you’re not the only one pushing these feelings away. Do you think it’s only hard for you? I didn’t mean to say your name in our scenes and I don’t want to make things hard for you but it just came out”.

I don’t believe this! All this time we’re avoiding each other, she actually felt something for me. She continued ranting, “I wish there was something we could do to just remove these feelings and make it go away and…”

I kissed her. This kiss was a myriad of emotions. It was a kiss of longing, of relief, of comfort, of need and of an emotion so strong that I felt like my heart was bursting! I relished the taste of her delicious lips on mine and when she reciprocated, I kissed her deeper. It was too bad that we needed to breathe because I didn’t want to stop kissing her. We were both gasping for breath when we broke away.

“Angel…we shouldn’t do this. My divorce was just finalized and there’s still so much I need to figure out”.

“We’ll figure it out together.”

“But, Angel...my divorce was just…”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“But…”  
  
“We’ll take it slow. One day at a time.”

“Don’t expect anything. I may not be able to give…”

“Whatever you give, I’ll take it. Even if one day, you realise that all you want is for us to be friends, I’ll take it but give us a chance”.

I so desperately want to have this chance of being with her that I will painfully swallow my feelings if all she wanted was friendship eventually. But I’ll be damned if I don’t do everything in my power to make her feel for me the way I feel for her.


	5. Chapter 5

True to my promise to her, we took it slow. I never made any move to hasten the pace and let her lead but during shoots, whenever she locked eyes with me or secretly twined her fingers with mine; I reciprocated by playfully winking or held her hand firmly. It was clear that she wanted to keep us low. She has always been very private and adding to the fact that she was a newly divorced woman, I understood her intention of keeping us a secret. So far, we successfully made sure none of the cast or crew had any idea we were together. Thankfully, now that we both are aware of what we’re feeling, our scenes were no longer tensed and the emotions came naturally, like old times.

It’s almost seven months now but we never really had a real date. We made out a lot though, in between breaks, we would sneak in her trailer or mine and have a make-out session or engage in a tongue tangling kiss at the end of the day when it was a wrap. Today, we were in her trailer and she was perched on the dressing table as I kissed her luscious lips. She moaned before breaking the kiss.

“So, this weekend I was thinking of inviting you over for dinner”, she said, wrapping her legs around me and I immediately caressed her calves.

“Dinner? Can’t we meet for breakfast instead?”

“Breakfast?”

“Well, it is the most important meal of the day. Maybe after that we can have lunch..”

Kiss.

“Dinner..”

Kiss.

“…and maybe supper together?”

Again I kissed her. I can’t get enough of her lips.

“You sure you want to get stuck with me the whole day?”

“I look forward to it”.

“What about Liam and Kathy?”

“Liam is away on a camping trip and Kathy is having a sleepover at her friend’s”

“Hmm…how convenient,” she giggled.  
  
I kissed her again.

“So, you’ll come over and I’ll make you breakfast…”

“…and lunch, dinner and supper”.

“…and lunch, dinner and supper and maybe…you could spend the night?” she asked, her fingers timidly toying with the buttons of my shirt.

I was taken aback by her offer and I could tell she was nervous. My mind began to wander to lustful thoughts of how we could spend the night but I berated myself and brushed it off. A man can dream can’t he? A part of me was touched because I knew she wanted to take it slow and this was huge for us.  
  
“Well then, I’ll bring along my jammies.”  
  
She laughed and I kissed her again. When we parted that day, I knew that I will be counting down the hours and minutes to the weekend. I can’t wait. 

* * *

 

Saturday was perfect so far. She made pancakes and bacon for breakfast, roast chicken and vegetables for lunch and seafood pasta for dinner. I’ve always known she was an amazing cook but today, all the food was exceptionally good. Dinner had been a good one hour ago and now, we’re on her couch making out instead of paying attention to the movie we were supposed to be watching.

“I can’t stop kissing you”, I confessed, when we broke away.

“Then don’t”.

And we took. I mauled her lips and snaked my tongue in, playing with hers. By the time we parted, my lips was wet and swollen.

“We haven’t had dessert”, she said.

“This is dessert”, I kissed and sucked her lower lip.

“Mmmm...so sweet and delicious”, I playfully said.

“Well, I prepared supper. We don’t want to waste it right?”

“We’ll eat it for breakfast tomorrow”, I leaned to kiss her again.

“Angel…you don’t even know what it is. You may like it”.

“I like making out even more”.

“Well, I promise you that supper is better than making out”, and before I could react, she stood up and moved away. I pouted. How can supper be better than kissing her? At this point, how can anything be better than kissing her?  
  
“I’ll be right back”, she promised.

“Hurry back!”I leaned into her couch, reminiscing the day.

This day was perfect. I thought back the past few months since we got together. I was happy. So very happy. Even my kids were starting to notice how I would suddenly burst out smiling.

It had been a good twenty minutes since she left to get supper. What is taking her so long? Just when I was about to get up and look for her in the kitchen, she appeared; in a black negligee with a slit that stopped mere inches below her hips and sexy red heels. Her blonde hair fell loosely past her shoulders and her cleavage was beautifully displayed, tempting me. My jaw literally dropped and I salivated.

“Buffy…” was all I could say. When she walked towards me, I lost all train of thought. She immediately straddled and kissed me, mauling my lips and sucking on my tongue before breaking away. She grinded against me, making her intentions clear.

“So…do you like supper”, her fingers trailed across her collarbone and chest. My eyes hungrily following those digits, now trailing her cleavage. “…or do you want to just make out?”  
  
I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her tightly against me.

“Supper. Definitely supper”, and we kissed. We engaged in a wet and delicious, smacking tongue tangling kiss. But I suddenly thought, is this too fast? She did want to take it slow and if we do this and she regrets it later...

“Buffy, wait”, I break the kiss.

“What is it?”

“What happened to taking it slow?”

“You don’t want this?”

“More than you know”

“Then, what’s the problem?”

“I want this because I’m crazy about you, because I’m falling sooo deep into you that I want to drown in your warmth and give you comfort. I want this because you’re all I dream about…think about…and the one I want. I need to know that you want this for the same reason. If you’re unsure, I’m willing to wait. No pressure.”

For long moments, she was quiet as if gathering her thoughts. God knows how much I want her. I had so many long and cold showers because of her but like I said the first time, I don’t want it if she’s going to regret it later. I don’t think I can stand if I lose her because of this. Although now, she’s not vulnerable and needy like that day she proposition herself to me but I don’t want to push her and I’m perfectly happy with our make-out sessions and heavy petting. Of course it’s not as good as the real thing but I’m willing to wait until she wants this as much as I do.

“Angel, I want this because I smile when I think of you. I laugh when I’m with you. You make me feel like I’m the most beautiful woman. When you kiss me, it was nice at first and then, your kisses took my breath away and now, when you kiss me, I’m on fire; like my heart is going to burst. You made me feel things that I’ve never felt before. I want this because you’re such a good man and you’re so patient with me, Angel. Throughout our time together, you’ve never pushed me, never asked me for anything and you’re just there for me like you’ve always been in my life. My Angel. I want this because I want you…more than anything...”  
  
That was enough for me and we kissed, passionately, lovingly. I moaned into her lips, excited and aroused at the thought of finally being with the woman responsible for my cold showers and wet dreams. 

Buffy tugged the hem of my sweater for some moments before pulling it up and I raised my hands up to aid her. The kiss had to break for the garment to pass over my head but I immediately attacked her lips again as my hands roved on her back, her thighs and finally finding its place on her firm behind. I broke our kiss and my lips found her neck, her chest and lingered on her cleavage for some moments before finding the hem of her negligee and pulled it up. Inch by glorious inch I saw her beautiful skin come to view and when it was off, I was in awe. She had always been beautiful to me but seeing her like this made me realized the Buffy I had fantasized and dream about didn’t do justice. Beautiful could not even begin to describe her, she’s a goddess; my exquisite blonde goddess.

I leaned forward, taking her perfect round mounds in my lips, suckling the tit and she tasted wonderful. My pants were becoming too tight and I reached for my buckle. She stopped my hands and I knew what she wanted but no, I cannot wait. The ache to be inside her was consuming me and I can’t wait a second longer. I took her hands in mine and kissed her hard and long while I quickly unbuckled my belt and freed my member. Buffy’s hands wrapped around it and it took every ounce of my willpower not to burst at her touch. She whined as I moved her as gently as I could aside and hurriedly took off my pants before taking her and letting her straddle my lap again.

“Angel, I’m right here…not going anywhere,” I knew I was hasty but I want her so badly. I wished I could let her please me with her wonderfully luscious lips but it’s not those lips I’m craving for.

“I know but I can’t wait anymore …please…”

She looked at me with those hazel eyes and positioned her opening over my shaft. It took all of me not to shove myself in her, taking her, claiming her.

“Then don’t wait. Fill me with you…all of you…”

“Buffy…” I muttered her name and gently pushed myself into her. God, she was so tight. I’m not even halfway in and I feel like I’m going crazy. I paced myself, not wanting to hurt her as I pushed myself further into her, inch by agonizing inch and when I was completely inside, fitting snugly within her warmth, I gasped and again, I found myself using every inch of my willpower not to pound and burst into her. I searched for her eyes to assure myself I wasn’t hurting her and found that she was trying to breathe. Did I hurt her?

“Buffy?” I muttered.

She silenced me with a kiss. A kiss is good right? But I can’t just assume. I was about to ask if she wanted to stop when she suddenly said.

“Do I really make you this way?” in that sexy voice that’s driving me insane. Oh my god, this woman will be the death of me.

“Yes...” I gasped out, struggling to find my voice, too focused on her tight warmth. I was growing inside her…harder…bigger…I didn’t even know that It was possible!  
  
“Angel”, was all she said before she moved up and smacked down on my shaft and repeated it over and over and over and over. 

Her pebbled chest moved against mine with every stroke, our moans and whimpers melded with the sound of her slapping against my shaft. My hands gripped her back and hold her close to me not wanting an inch of space between us and my lips found her jaw, her neck and any part of her body I could reach.

When she was accustomed to my girth, she began to ride me. Oh god, when I thought she had driven me over the edge, she discovers new ways to drive me insane. I could feel every inch of her inside, the intimacy overwhelming me. I feel so connected and close to her that I cannot tell when I finish and she began. We were one being; never in my life had I experience this and it was mind-blowing.

She looked into my eyes with her hair in disarray, her lips swollen with my kisses, her face contorted in ecstasy and her chest heaving, god, she was still so beautiful. She rides me harder and faster and I knew I was seconds away from exploding.

“Buffy…” was all I could say. As if she knew that I was holding back, she encouraged, “Just let go…let it all go…”

That was it. I gave up control and came with Buffy joining me seconds later, screaming my name. I grunted as my seed pumped out of my shaft into her glorious warmth. I sighed and thought this must be what heaven felt like. We held each other as we calmed ourselves, stroking and soothing each other’s backs.

We eventually ended in her bed and made love again three times that night. It was a record for me personally. I have never done it four times in a row; definitely did not come that many times in a row but with Buffy…wow…

We would definitely have done a fifth time had we not been so pleasantly numb and worn out. Even now, as she was asleep on my chest, I have this urge to rouse her and make love again. She nuzzled closer to me and I wrapped my arm tighter around her, as if afraid she’ll go away, nuzzled into her hair that smells like strawberries and flowers and allowed sleep to come to me.


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up the next morning and realised she was no longer in my arms. I turned my head and saw she was on her side with her back facing me. I turned on my side and moved closer until my chest grazed against her back. For long moments, I just stared at her, listening to her breathing, admiring the smooth golden skin that seemed to shine in sunlight, her messy hair sprawled against the pillow.

It hit me; I knew that I was falling hard for her but now, it was so clear that I am in with love her. Like madly, deeply, all consuming love and it was new to me. I told her before that if one day she turns around and realised this is not what she wanted and that she wants us to be friends, I would grant her wish but now, for the first time in my life, I prayed to whatever gods that was listening out there, that that day never comes.

I leaned forward and wrapped my arm around her waist and kissed her exposed neck and slowly moved down to her shoulders nipping her wonderfully succulent skin. I knew she was awake when she covered my hand that was on her waist with hers. She rolled on her back and I immediately covered my lips with hers and she reciprocated, kissing me soundly. After long moments, I broke the kiss and travelled down her neck.

“Not that I’m not happy with the wake-up call but I think we should shower”.

“Hmm…shower is a good idea.”

I got up and carried her in my arms.

“What are you doing?” she giggled.

“We’re showering”, walking towards the bathroom.

“Together?”

“Uh-huh”

I set her down on her feet upon reaching her bathroom and she walked to the tub. She turned on the tap and started to fill the tub instead.

“Maybe a bubble bath is much better”, she smiled.

I can’t help but stare at her. Sure, I saw her yesterday but seeing her nude form in daylight somehow was different.

Suddenly, feeling self conscious, she asked, “What?”

I didn’t answer and just lingered my eyes on her body.

“Angel, what is it?”

I moved to stand in front of her, running my hand all over her body.

“You are so beautiful” and she blushed before replying, “You’re not so bad yourself”.

When the tub was filled, we entered the tub and cleaning was the last thing on our minds as we gave into our lust. The water splashing around us as I pounded and grind myself in her, both us giving into the ecstasy that made us quiver in satisfaction. That Sunday we gave into our desires, making love throughout the day; exploring the various ways to make love in the kitchen on the kitchen table, the kitchen counter, the living room, against the walls and again in her bedroom.

* * *

 

After many hours of lovemaking, we are now sated and drained as we lay in her bed basking in the pleasant after-glow. I lazily draw circles on her back as she laid on my chest.

“I don’t think I can move. I can’t feel my legs”.

I chuckled, “After what we did, you’re not supposed to”.

She curled into me and I pulled her closer.

“You know, there wasn’t really a point in bringing my jammies. I didn’t wear it at all.”

“Is that so bad cause I like you without jammies”, she huskily said. I smiled at her response.

“I should really get home. We have to be at the studio at 9 tomorrow.”

“You can just stay here and we can go together.”

“As tempting as that sounds, I have no change of clothes and I do not want to go to work in a crumpled shirt and pants.”

“But I’ll miss you.”

“You’ll see me tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow we can have dinner at my place and you can spend the night.”

She groaned, “I can’t. I have to go for a fitting for the event on Saturday and my kids are back tomorrow”.

“Hmm…How about after the event on Saturday, you come over to my place? I could tell Nina to let Liam and Kathy stay over at her place.”

“They already don’t see you this weekend. Don’t you think you should spend time with them?”  
  
I sighed knowing she was right. As much as I want to spend every waking moment with her, I am a father first and I do miss not seeing my kids.

A few hours later, with much difficulty I left her place after a tongue tangling kiss that left me with a hard-on. I was ten minutes on the road when I turned around and sped back to her place. No more cold showers; she was going to help me get rid of this.

“Angel, what..” I didn’t let her finish, moved in, closed her door, slammed her against it and mauled her lips. I lifted her in my arms and she automatically wrapped her legs around me. I fumbled with my buckle, unzipped my pants, freed my member and entered her; thankful that she was nude underneath her robe.  
  
Thrust!

“Unmf”, she moaned.

I pulled out slightly only to thrust into her again.

“I thought…you.. Mmmf..left”

Thrust!

“Your fault”, I moaned.

Thrust.. Thrust!!

“You kissed me…hmmp..make me all hot…”

Thrust..Thrust..Thrust!!..

“and…huh…bothered…you’re not going to finish what you started?”

“That’s”..Thrust..Thrust..Thrust!!..ThrusttttttThrust!  
  
“Not”…Thrust..Thrust..Thrust!!..ThrusttttttThrust!..THRUSTTT!..  
  
“Very”…Thrust..Thrust..Thrust!!..ThrusttttttThrust!..THRUSTTT!..

“NICE!”

I began to move, thrusting into her against the door. She moaned and held me tighter; my thrusts became harder, more aggressive and when she began squeezing me, my thrusts became incessant and there it was. The pounding…the sound of me smacking into her wet, hot entrance and moments later, I increased my speed.

“OH GOD!” Buffy moaned. She dug her nails into my back and bit my shoulder to stop herself from screaming in pleasure. I didn’t mean to be rough but it is really her fault. I was so very close and so was she. Two seconds later she came, screaming in ecstasy and I finally let go, grunting as my seed pumped out into her, my head resting on her shoulder as we waited for our breathing to be return to normal.

I finally left her home at two in the morning after worshipping her body two more times and I did not wake her to kiss her goodbye fearing that I won’t be able to leave her again. I wrote her a note and quietly drove back to my apartment.

I already miss her and it took everything in me to force myself not to jump in my car and drive back to her place and give into my sexual craving. This is crazy but she was insatiable; like a drug for me and I could not get enough of her. I don’t think I can be without her anymore. But I had to sleep so that I can properly function tomorrow.

* * *

 

The next morning, when I saw her car in the lot, I smiled and walked towards my trailer, hoping to catch her before we had to shoot. Walking towards the coffee station, I saw her at the condiment area, and walked up behind her. I want so much to wrap my arms around her and kiss her beautiful neck but it’s too dangerous. There were so many people around.

“Morning”, I greeted.

She turned, greeted me with her sweet smile and wrapped her arms around me. It was not uncommon for us to hug. To the naked eye, Buffy and Angel was just greeting each other but only we know that it was an embrace between two lovers who had just spent the weekend exploring every naked inch of each other and as discreetly as I could, I bent and kissed her shoulders and she nuzzled my ear.

“Miss you, baby”, she whispered so softly only I could hear. Hearing her endearment for me was causing uproar in my heart. I am her baby and she was mine. I wrapped my arms tightly around her and god help me, I don’t want to let her go.

“Hey guys” and we knew we had to break away. Damn it!  
  
“Hi Lisa” Buffy greeted.

Lisa Henri was our cast mate, playing my character’s workmate.

“How was your weekend?”

“It was great. Stayed in and just relaxed.” I heard Buffy say. Great? Most definitely. Relaxed? Far from it.

“What about you, Angel?” Lisa asked.  
  
“My weekend was amazing and mind-blowing. Very fulfilling”. I glanced at Buffy playfully. She just smiled.

“Wow, what did you do?”

Well, I spent the weekend making love, worshipping and having mind-blowing sex with Buffy that rocked my world. I’m getting a hard-on just reminiscing.

“I worked out. Burned A LOT of calories”, I said. Well, it wasn’t technically a lie.

“The whole weekend? That was all you did? Working out?”

“Well, gotta stay in shape”

“I’ll see you guys later”, Buffy said walking away. She turned to wink at me and I can’t help but grin.

“You know, one of my friends own a gym. Maybe, we could work out together some time?” Lisa said. I wasn’t really paying attention to her, too busy looking at Buffy strutting away.

“Um, sure” I said casually. I wasn’t really going to take up her offer. The only one I want to ‘work out’ with is the blonde goddess that just strolled away. I hurriedly poured myself a cup of coffee and went after Buffy.

I boldly entered her trailer without knocking and there she was, perched on her dresser, waiting, smiling sexily at me. I walked towards her and kissed her hungrily, her legs immediately wrapped around my waist.

“Hi”, I smiled at her when we finally broke away.

“Hi”.

“I missed you”, I said as I began to kiss her neck.

“You left without telling me. I would have loved to kiss you goodbye”.

I lifted my head to look at her.

“I don’t trust your goodbye kisses.”

“Why not?”

“Because, your goodbye kisses make a certain part of me very hard and I can’t have that.”

“What about now when I’m giving you hello kisses.”

I pressed into her.

“Feel that?”

“Hmmm…well, you can’t have that. We need to work later.”

“How long till you have to be in make-up?”

“Twenty minutes.”

“Well, we best take care of this then hmm?”

She kisses me and expertly unzipped my pants while I reached for her core and shoved the garment aside. By now, we are both so familiar, having memorized each other’s bodies that I could probably make love to her with my eyes closed. She reached for my shaft, guided it to her core and I pushed in. Both of us grunted. She’s still so very tight. I kept pumping into her as she clawed my arms and back. I hated that I can’t feel her nude body against mine but this will have to do for now. She moaned in my ear and I moved faster, slightly lifting her off the dresser. When I was approaching ecstasy I covered my mouth with hers, in an attempt to stop myself from groaning out loud upon my release.

She devoured my lips, her tongue thrusting into my mouth mimicking the movement of my shaft and when she squeezed her walls against it, I burst, moaning into her mouth and helplessly thrust into her, feeling my seed pumping into her deliciously, sweet core. I broke the kiss and rest my forehead against hers, breathing into her face and calmed myself.

“Feel better?” she asked.

“Much.”

“Hmm..but you’re still so hard inside me”, she squeezed me again.

“Mmf!...we can’t…you need..”

She squeezes me again.

“Ugh!...be in makeup soon…”

“One more time, please…”

“Buffy…” I tried to move away but her hands was on my behind, pushing me into her. I whimpered.

“You said we need to take care of this. It doesn’t feel like it’s taken care of. It’s still so hard and deep inside me.”

“Baby, you’ll never get to makeup in time.” That’s right. She’s my baby.

“Then you better hurry”, she whispered in my ear and bit down my lobe.

I gave in and rammed into her, slamming her against the walls and drive myself so deep inside her that my whole length disappears. The second time was fast but when she had her release, I came again, spilling inside her.

* * *

 

The whole day, I had a silly plastered grin on my face and people around me began asking why I was so happy. I merely said I was in a good mood. When shooting began, I tried to focus but it was excruciating when I had scenes with Buffy. She was her usual professional self of course and I would like to think I pulled off being professional too but my mind was a different matter.

There were so many times I mentally undressed her, her nude form so clearly etched in my mind. There were also times when our many bouts of lovemaking flashed through in my mind and tried as I might to brush it away, I failed miserably. I’m so deeply in love with Buffy that I cannot see or think straight.


	7. Chapter 7

Before we realized, our one year mark was fast approaching and things could not have been better between me and Buffy. We still kept it low and I was amazed that we managed to keep it a secret for so long without any suspicion. As time passed, I began to realise the connection Buffy and I had was unique and special. It is difficult for me to put to words but I feel so deeply connected to her like I can sense when she is near or I could tell how she feels by one look. The attraction I have towards her only multiplied as each day passes and the sex; amazingly mind-blowing. The way we connect during intimacy was something I never felt before. I feel so whole and complete with her. I have long since admitted to myself that I am in love with her but admitting it to her was something else. I would like to think that she was as crazy about me as I am about her but I was still nervous about telling her.

I wanted to do something special for our one year and was thinking of going on a trip with her where we could just be us. No hiding. We were in my apartment, basking in the afterglow of lovemaking. I was lying on top of her, with my head on her chest, feeling her trace the tattoo on my back. Times like this I relished the warmth of her embrace, the feeling of her heart beating against my ears. A few times, the movement of her chest as she breathes and the sound of her heart beating has lulled me to sleep.  
  
“Angel?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m invited to Fashion Week in New York”.

Oh man! That means I won’t be seeing her for a few days.

“I’ll miss you”, kissing her chest.

“I…um…I want you to go with me, as my date…my boyfriend…if you are available that is”.

I lifted my head to face her. Am I hearing this right? I know how private she was and how she wants us to be a secret. 

“Are you sure?”

“I don’t want us to be a secret anymore. I want the whole world to know how happy I am. No more hiding…unless you don’t want to”.

Oh, I want to. I’ve always wanted to. No more secret rendezvous in our trailers, no more having dates only at home. We could be a ‘normal’ celebrity couple.

“Honey, it’s what I’ve wanted for a long time but I want you to be sure of this”.

“I’m sure. I want this”.

At that moment my heart swelled with joy and warmth as I leaned down and kissed her. What started to be a gentle and loving kiss became passionate and wet when she thrust her luscious tongue in my mouth. I welcomed it and submit to the mating of my tongue and found myself hard again.

Needing to breathe, I broke the kiss and rested my forehead on hers, feeling her warm breath on my face and my shaft sprung to life, thirsting for her warmth and my beautiful goddess willingly, quenched the thirst in the most satisfying, breathtaking way imaginable.

* * *

 

I was invited to Fashion Week twice before but never attended because well, I wasn’t that interested but I was looking forward to going to New York. Clearly, it was because of Buffy but I also thought we could extend our stay and celebrate our one year. By the time we were in New York, we would have gone public so the secrecy bit was not an issue. 

I went ahead and checked with Buffy’s assistant on her schedule and knew she had four days to spare. New York, being Buffy’s home turf made arrangement for our romantic getaway slightly nerve-racking for me but I did some research and had a few things arranged throughout the 4 days.

I booked a suite at The Plaza Hotel, reserved a romantic candlelight dinner at her favourite restaurant, plan a picnic at Williamsburg Waterfront, booked a boat ride along the river at the Great Lake in Central Park, take a walk through Brooklyn Bridge Park and a few other things in store, hoping it would be a memorable for her. For those four days, no Hollywood, no work, no kids, just us enjoying each other. I’m excited just thinking about it.

I was doing a fitting for Fashion Week. Albert, my stylist had just arrived with a few outfits so I could pick my look for the event. Just as I led Albert to my living room,

“Daaaaddddyyyyy!!!” Kathy ran up to us and hid behind me, her hands wrapping my legs.  
  
“What?...what is it?”

“Liam said he’s going to kill me!”

Sure enough, Liam came running with a book in his hand and Kathy held my legs tighter.

“She spilled soda all over my homework!”, Liam reached out to Kathy to try to hit her.

“Liam, wait”, but he wasn’t listening. He tried to scratch, hit and pull Kathy away from me. I have had enough.

“Hey! Enough! Stop it!” I held Liam’s hands tightly in mine. My fourteen year old stopped struggling and looked at his eight year old sister with complete annoyance.

“Kathy, go to your room!”

“But Dad…” Liam starts to protest but immediately shuts his mouth when I glared at him.

I knew Kathy would take a chance to mock or stick her tongue out to Liam as she walked, thinking I wouldn’t notice but I’m their father.

With my eyes still on Liam, I said, “Kathy Alicia Callahan, if you make a face at Liam, I will take away Mr Bubbles”, I could hear her huff and started stomping away to her room. Mr Bubbles was her beloved wolf soft toy, a gift she got for her sixth birthday that she loved so dearly.

I apologised to Albert and asked that he gave me a few minutes to settle my kids, took Liam to the dining area, pulled a chair to sit and made Liam stand in front of me.

“Tell me what happened”, I calmly asked.

“It’s her fault! She never listens! I told her not to bother me but she doesn’t care!!”

“There is no need to raise your voice. You’re not answering me. I asked you what happened”.

Liam took a moment, sighed and told me what transpired. He was in his room, dutifully doing his homework when Kathy went into his room, with a soda at hand, asking him to play with her. Of course, he turned her down but Kathy being the curious eight year old went to Liam’s desk to see what he was doing. Annoyed, Liam told her to leave him alone and bickering between the siblings ensued. The next thing they knew, the soda she left on his table spilled all over the math homework he had finished earlier.

“Let me see”, I said and Liam handed me the book. I carefully opened the book and it was wet, sticky and a little smudgy but no pages were torn. The soda will leave a stain on the pages but otherwise, the book will be fine once it was dried out.

“It’s fine. It will dry out. I’ll help you later. There are no smudges on your homework pages so it’s fine”.

Liam nodded quietly and looked at the floor.

“Liam, hitting your sister is never okay. Saying those things to her is not cool.  She’s your little sister.”

“But it’s her fault, Dad. I wasn’t doing anything”.

“I know that and I will talk to her about it but what you did isn’t right either. I get that you’re angry but you shouldn’t have hit her.”

“I’m sorry”.

“You’re not a little boy anymore Liam and I need you to look out for her when I’m not around. She needs to know she can count on you other than me and your mom”.

He nodded.

“Good”.

“Dad, can I ask you something?”

“Anything”.

“Why did you and mom split up?”  
  
His question caught me off-guard and I tried to search for the model answers in the many books that I read but nothing comes to mind. I gave up and explained it the best way I knew how to my teenage son.  
  
“Sometimes, things happen in a marriage and as much as we try, it just doesn’t work. But, please know that your mom and I love you and Kathy very much. And although I’m not always with you, I will always be there for you. I’m always your Dad.”

“So…it wasn’t because of me or Kathy?”

“Of course not. What made you think that?”

“Just some stuff people say to me…kids in school can be really mean”.

“Liam, our divorce has nothing to do with you or Kathy. The two of you are the best thing that happened to me and your mom. Whenever anyone says anything else, remember that.”

“Got it…can I ask you another question?”

“Of course”.

“Don’t you love mom anymore?...sometimes, she cries. When she thinks I’m asleep, she cries. And she drinks too. In the morning, I could see the beer bottles she tries to hide. Did she do something that was so bad that you had to leave her?”

I could see the pain in his eyes and I felt like my heart was ripped out of me.

“Liam, I care about your mother and I will be there for her whenever she needs me but as a friend”.

“Then as a friend, doesn’t it hurt you to hear about her like that?”

 Honestly, it does. But it has been over a year since we’ve divorced. Surely, she has moved on.

 “Your mom knows that if she needs me, I’m right here.”

Liam smiled weakly and said “I better go upstairs and finish the rest of my homework” before walking away to his room. I pushed away what Liam said and left his Math book on the kitchen counter to help him dry it out later and turned my attention to Albert, who was waiting for me in the living room.

“Sorry about that, Albert”.

“No problem. Having two kids is a handful, I get that”.

I was grateful for his understanding and an hour later, I decided on my outfit. I was casually conversing with Albert, who was packing his stuff when I heard a message come in. I smiled when I saw it was from Buffy telling me that she misses me and asking how my day was. I was texting my reply when Albert asked, “So, you get the kids on weekends?”

“Yeah.”

“How long has it been since the divorce?”

“Slightly over a year”.

“Your kids seem to be doing okay”.

“I guess. I mean, divorce is worse for the kids you know? But I try my best”.  
  
“You seem to be doing a better job that most people and the way you handled the fight earlier? Model dad I would say.”

“Thanks”.

“How are things between Nina and you?”

“Fine.”

“Good. Are you guys talking?”

“Of course we are. Why do you ask?”

“Nothing”

“Do you know something?”

“It’s just…I think she’s having a little trouble moving on. I heard she doesn’t really come out of the house anymore. She still does her mom duties you know, but nothing for herself.”

“Ohkaaaay”, I answered. Liam’s words hit me again and so did the pain evident in his eyes.

“That girl’s life revolved around you and the kids. She was an upcoming actress at one point of time but then she met you and got married, became a home maker. It’s just a little heartbreaking to see her so lost.”

“Nothing is stopping her from becoming an actress now and I never stopped her from pursuing her career when we were married. I encouraged it even but she always wanted to wait till the kids were older”, I felt like I needed to defend myself.

“Hey, I’m not judging. It’s just…granted, I’ve known you for a long time but in the course of your marriage to her, I became her friend too and I still keep in touch with her from time to time. She just sounds so lost”.

“I don’t know what to do with this information you’re telling me”.

“Do you think, maybe, somewhere down the line, you and Nina could…you know…reconcile?”  
I was taken aback by his question.

“Albert, you’ve been my friend for a long time and you’ve seen how my marriage and Nina had been in the final years. We were like strangers living in one house. I wasn’t happy anymore and it was miserable. The divorce was brutal but it wasn’t as if we didn’t try. We went to a marriage counsellor, I took her to romantic trips and had weekly dates to maintain the romance but it didn’t work. Our marriage was over for a long time and we tried to hold on as long as we could.”

“I know…I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. I better go. I will have your outfit flown to New York on Friday”.

“Thanks.”

As Albert was about to walk out my door, I called out to him, “Albert!...you don’t have anything to be sorry about. If anything, I’m thankful that you’re a good friend to Nina as you are to me”.

“No problem.”

“Say hi to your wife for me”.

“I will…oh, which reminds me, you know my wife’s sister Lexie has had the hots for you for some time. Should I maybe play cupid?”

“No! No need for that.”

“Come on, you’re single, she’s single. It’s just a date”.

“Thanks but no. Goodbye Albert.”

Albert simply huffed, telling me he’ll find some way to convince me to date again and bid goodbye. As much as I want to ignore what Liam said and now reinforced by what Albert told me, I couldn’t.

By ten that night, with a beer in my hand I thought over and over again about everything. Nina was in pain for the past year because of my decision to divorce. Sure, Nina did sign the papers but she had asked me to stay multiple times, to try and make it work again. But I was sure that it was it for me. Now, seeing my son’s pain I can’t believe that I’m beginning to question my decision.

If I stayed and tried again, could we have worked? I was happily moving on not thinking about Nina and as much as I want to proudly say that my kids were my priority during this divorce, has it been really? I was too busy rebuilding my life that perhaps, I couldn’t see the hurt I’ve caused my children. I was so confused. I found myself reaching for my phone and upon unlocking, it was the message I was typing to Buffy halfway.

Buffy…my beautiful blonde goddess...she has made me happier in this past year than I had been…ever. But while I was off being happy with her, were my kids silently suffering? What kind of a father does that make me? As I was deep in my thoughts, my phone suddenly rang. It was Buffy. It wasn’t unlike us to make calls to each other this late. With kids to take care of and work, it is usually during this time we had time to ourselves. I shook my head off the heavy thoughts and answered her call.

“Hey beautiful”, I said in the most cheerful tone I could muster, hoping to mask the uncertain, confused mood I was in.  
  
“Hi honey”, as always, her voice eased me in the most incredible way.  
  
“Sorry I didn’t reply your text. I meant to but Albert was here for the fitting and then the kids got into a fight. It was a little crazy”.  
  
“Sounds brutal. Everything is okay now?”

“Yeah, the kids are asleep now and I finally have time to myself. How was your day?”

“It was good. I met Willow for lunch earlier then I met Mom for dinner. She made steaks and spaghetti.”

“Your favourite.”

“Yeah.”

There was a beat of silence and I said, “I miss you”.

“I miss you”.

“I wish you were here with me”.

“Angel, there is something bothering you”.

She wasn’t asking me. She was telling me and I frowned. This is a little disturbing. How could she know? She couldn’t possibly know…did my tone give it away?

“Nope, I’m good”.

“Angel…”

“Really, there’s nothing wrong”.

“Please don’t lie to me Angel.”

I sighed and told her the state of confusion I’m in. Telling her what Liam said to me and also what Albert shared. She didn’t say anything and diligently listened to everything I said. After about 30 minutes of talking, I let a frustrated sigh and said,

“I’m so confused. A part of me is so happy beyond words and the other part is guilty for being so happy.”

“So…what do you want to do?”

“I really don’t know.”

“Angel, your kids mean the world to you and after what Liam said, I would be worried too. You’re wondering if you gave it another go…if you tried harder, maybe…” she stopped. I could hear her struggle with words, “…it could have worked”.

My heart ached hearing the sadness in her voice.

“But…I’m so very happy with you. With us. I’m so sure of what we have. I just…I don’t know what to do”.

I love every moment I am with Buffy but I hated this feeling I have. It was probably one of the longest silence we had and I knew she was thinking, carefully choosing her next words.

“I think…that…perhaps…you should give Nina another chance.”

“What?! I just told you our relationship is the one thing that I’m sure of and..”

“Angel..”

“…you make me happy…”

“Listen…”

“…and I am…I’ve never been so happy, Buffy.”

“Angel please…”

“I’m just confused right now…and...”

“Listen…”

“…it doesn’t mean that…”

“Listen to me…”

And I did, but I knew whatever she was going to say, was going to break my heart.

“What I feel for you, it’s indescribable…and I tried to fight it, I tried to stay away but when you came to me that night, asking that I gave us a chance, I never expected to be sooo deep in this. I wasn’t even sure I could give you what you wanted but now….You’ve become so important to me…” her voice cracked a little, holding back her tears.  
  
“Buffy, please…”

“But Angel…how can we be together if the cost is our kids? Their happiness?”

“No, Buffy…”

“Go back to Nina and work things out with her….You owe your kids that.”

“No…I want you…I’m happy with you!” tears are already forming in my eyes. I did not expect our conversation to steer this way. It’s the last thing I wanted.

“Nothing is worth our kids’ happiness…nothing…”

“Please…I can’t…how am I supposed to stay away from you?...I can’t…I won’t…”

“You will…because you’re such an amazing father. I know eventually you’ll make the same choice. I’m just saying it first”.

For a few moments, we just hear each other crying and I can’t take it. I have to see her.

“I’m coming over”.

“No, don’t…there’s nothing else left to say…you told me before that if all I ever wanted was friendship after everything, you’ll respect that. I want that Angel…”

“Buffy, please…don’t do this…I don’t want us to be over…”

“Then…why does it feel like it is?” she is sobbing now and I want nothing more than to be with her and hug her.

“Goodbye, Angel”.

“No Buffy! Don’t!” and all I heard was the dead tone.

This cannot be; I cannot lose her. Not when I’m so deeply in love with her. I need her. I tried calling her back but after the fifth time, her phone went straight to voicemail but I still kept calling. Like a mad man, I just kept pressing the redial button until I realised, she was never going to answer my call. That night, I cried myself to sleep.

I woke up the next morning on the couch with my back and neck aching. I went up to check on my kids who were still soundly asleep. I went to Liam’s room before entering Kathy’s. I walked to her and in her small arms was Mr. Bubbles. I sighed with regret when I realised the last thing she remembered before sleeping last night was that I was mad at her. I bent down and gently kissed her cheeks before stroking her hair.

On my way out, I shook my head and picked up a few toys on the floor and placed them in the box where her other toys lived and as when I placed the last toy inside, I noticed a drawing. It was the typical drawing of a family where there was a mom, dad, Kathy and instead of Liam, it says ‘Poophead’. I smiled at that and below the drawing, it says ‘I love my family’ and in that instant, I felt it. What Buffy had tried to tell me last night. She was right. My kids’ happiness means everything to me. I was too blinded in love to notice that my kids were hurting. The revelation hit me again and with great despair, I accepted it was over between me and Buffy. I retreated in the shower and uncontrollably, I cried for the love I have lost.


	8. Chapter 8

It was sort of a blessing I guess that while this was all happening, we were on a break for the show, waiting for filming for the third season to start in a few months. I cannot face Buffy now but hopefully, in a couple of months, I could. I reached out to Nina and was surprised that she was as depressed as Liam and Albert painted her to be. I told her that I’m willing to try again but we’ll take it slow.

We’ll start from scratch and she agreed. In the month that passed, things were good or rather as good as I thought it could be. Nina and I have been to a few dates and little by little, I could see that she was becoming Nina again. I encouraged her to start acting and even got my agent to secure her a few auditions. My kids were happy that I was around more and seeing them smile and laugh was all that I ever wanted. Tonight was the end of another date and I was walking her back to the home we once shared.  
  
“Thank you for tonight. It was nice”, she said as we reached the door.  
  
“It was…” I agreed, looking up to the windows of Liam and Kathy’s room. It was dark.

“ Seems like the kids are asleep”, I said with disappointment.

“Yeah, it is past their bedtime.”

“I was hoping to tuck them in.”

“Why don’t you come by for dinner tomorrow and you can tuck them in…and maybe after…”, she took a step closer to me and instinctively, I wanted to step back but I kept my feet planted to the ground.  
  
“…after that, you could perhaps, spend the night?” she raked her manicured nails over my chest and I wanted to flinch but I didn’t.  
  
“Um…yeah…dinner with the kids would be nice”, trying to ignore my body wanting to get away.

“Great, so I’ll make your favourite. My beef lasagne”.

That wasn’t my favourite. I commented one time that her beef lasagne was good many years ago and she took it to mean that it was my favourite food and made it every time we celebrated my birthday, every time I got an award, when I scored my own show, the kids’ birthdays, almost any celebration, it was beef lasagne. I told her a few times that it wasn’t my favourite but she still made it. Even now if I told her, I know my dinner is beef lasagne tomorrow so I just said, “Great”.  
  
Suddenly, she was leaning up and I knew she was going for a kiss and I need to make a conscientious effort to making this work so I stayed still and let her kiss me. When her lips were on mine, my head was screaming ‘NO!’ and my heart was telling me to get the hell away from her but I just stayed still. 

When she pulled my neck down to deepen the kiss, I broke away; her face clearly asking me why.

“It’s late and I’m a little tired”, I lied.

She nodded, understanding.

“Kiss the kids goodnight for me and tell them I’ll see them tomorrow. Good night” and I turned away to walk to my car. Nina waited till I drove off before going into the house.

The next night, I went for dinner and tucked my kids to sleep but did not stay the night.

What the hell was wrong with me? It’s like every time Nina touched me, I flinched. I was married to that woman for almost 13 years so surely, my body remembers her touch but why do I want to go far away from her each time she tries to come close to me? Conscientious effort, Angel. Remember that. She is making a diligent effort and so should you. For your children; for their happiness. Yes.

But every night when I lay my head on my pillow, only one name came to mind. Buffy. I know I am doing the right thing but god, I miss her. Many times, she appears in my dreams and we were happy, free. To laugh; to smile; to love; to make love and she was mine and I was hers. But then morning comes and I come back to bitter reality.

* * *

 

It was movie night today and Nina and I are bringing the kids to watch the new Transformers movie. Liam was of course excited and Kathy was looking forward to the popcorn and cotton candy. We were in queue for the tickets and Liam was telling me about how good the previous movie was and the different Autobots and Decepticons he thought was cool. I was intently listening to him when I suddenly felt weird and started looking around as if searching for something.

“Dad, are you okay?” I could hear Liam ask me. There was a familiar tingle in my stomach and my heart was racing. Something was wrong. Nina, hearing Liam’s question started asking me too. The feeling was getting stronger and fear gripped my heart. Something was definitely wrong…with Buffy.  
  
“Look, I gotta go. You guys go ahead and watch the movie without me”.

“Angel, wait!” Nina grabbed my arm to stop me.

“Nina, please. I need to go.”

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong”.

“I forgot I had something on. Enjoy the movie. I’ll talk to you later” and I was sprinting to my car. I don’t know how but I knew where Buffy was and I knew I have to get to her.

Ten minutes later, I was outside Buffy’s house and I saw William’s car. What the hell is he doing here? As I walked up to her door, I heard Buffy scream and I immediately entered the house.

“Buffy!”

“NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!”. Her voice came from upstairs.

I raced to the second floor and into her bedroom; what I saw made my blood boil. William was forcing himself on Buffy. I immediately pulled him off her.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing!!”

“Taking what’s mine. Too bad she’s playing a little hard to get.”

“So, you tried to rape her?! You’re sick!”

“Angel…” I heard Buffy call out to me.

I turned. My eyes widened at the knife protruding from her abs.

“You’re always calling him your Angel…We’ll see if your Angel can save you now”, William mocked.

“You sick son of a bitch!” and I lunged, hitting him with all that I have in me. I punched and kicked and pushed him against the wall when he suddenly laughed and I swore I had never heard a laughter so evil.

“It’s too late now…” and I panicked. He was right. What was I doing? I let go of him and immediately went to Buffy.

I gathered her small frame in my arms and dialled 911, telling the operator the location of the emergency before focusing back on her. She was so pale. I realised that William was no longer there. I’ll deal with him later. All I wanted was for her to be okay.

“Angel…”

“I’m here, baby…I’m right here…I could feel her losing consciousness. “No!..no, stay with me, baby. I’m right here..please…please…stay with me”.

She opened her eyes and smiled weakly before saying, “My Angel” and drift off.

“No, no, no!...Baby please, open your eyes. Please…please…please…honey, please…” and I cried into her hair, willing the ambulance to get here faster.

The ride to the hospital was nerve-wrecking. She was immediately taken to the ER and I was forced to helplessly wait outside. It had been four hours since and I was pacing outside the ER with Buffy’s mom, Joyce, seated in one of the chairs. Every time the door opened, I asked for Buffy but they just told us to wait for the doctor. A million thoughts were running through my head. Buffy was in there fighting for her life and I prayed to whatever god that was listening to save her. To let her live so her kids would still have their mother, so the world would not lose a bright star who has shined and motivated millions of people but more importantly, so that I don’t lose my lover. I know it sounds selfish but I don’t care. I had never been so afraid in my life.

I finally took a seat and closed my eyes and remembered how we met, how she was the first friend I made and what a wonderful friend she was to me, how caring she is, how she has such a big heart; well-loved by many who knows her. Then I recalled our time together. She made me so happy. I remembered how beautiful she was; her beauty was always unmatchable to me. Her smooth almost flawless skin, her golden tresses that I long to run my fingers in, her exquisite perfect physique that ignites a hunger and passion so deep within me I never known before, her wonderful smile that always calms my heart and her sweet, beautiful voice that soothes me, caressing my name whenever she said it. At that moment, I decided.

I excused myself and told Joyce I’d be back within the hour. I had to settle something. Joyce nodded and drove down the familiar street that I called home for almost 13 years. I knocked on the door.

“Angel”, Nina said and motioned for me to enter the house, brought me to the living room and sat me down.

“Sorry, I know it’s late”.

“I was worried sick. I tried calling you so many times.”

“Are the kids asleep?”

“Yeah, they are.”

“Good.”

“Where did you go? I called you and…oh my god! What happened to you?”

I looked down and realised that my shirt was covered in blood. Buffy’s blood.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“But Angel, you’re hurt”

“The blood isn’t mine…don’t worry. Listen, Nina, I don’t have that much time. I need you to listen to me”.

And she kept quiet for a few moments before saying an okay.

“I know I said we should try to make this work; take it slow and start from scratch for the sake of the kids”.

“And I think we’re doing good so far…”

“We’re not…”

“What?”

“Nina, our marriage was long over even before we divorced…you know that…and despite trying, we just couldn’t fix it…”

“Maybe we didn’t try hard enough”.

“Who are we kidding, Nina?! We were both unhappy in this marriage. Have been for a long time.”

“But I was happy”.

“When was the last time we had a conversation?...not talk about the kids or that the dishwasher need to get fixed but just talk about us? Asking each other how the day was? When was the last time you told me you love me? The last time we had sex?”  
  
“But we were so busy. You had your show, I had the kids and…”

“The last time we had sex was 9 years ago and we got Kathy. I could probably count with my finers the number of times we probably professed our love for each other throughout our time together and we haven’t had a conversation for a long time”.

"So we’re not the mushy type. It doesn’t mean anything.”  
  
“When we did Valentine’s special for Entertainment Weekly four years ago and they had us do a short questionnaire on how well we knew each other, they asked me what your favourite colour was and I said purple. They asked me what was your favourite ice-cream and I said strawberry. When they asked what your favourite restaurant was, I said Darcy’s. Name your favourite holiday destination and said Hawaii.”  
  
“Angel…”

“When they asked you the same questions; you said my favourite colour was green, my favourite ice-cream chocolate, my favourite restaurant was Darcy’s and my dream holiday destination was Australia but guess what…none of the answers were right”.

“So what…it doesn’t…”

“My favourite colour is red. My favourite ice-cream is cookie dough fudge mint chip…”

“Stop…”

“I hate Darcy’s and we only go there because you for some reason liked the mushroom soup which tasted like crap! And the food was not worth the money we were paying for and…

“Angel, please…”

“Ireland…my favourite destination is Ireland…”

“Stop it!”

“And my answers…I winged it! I don’t know what your favourite colour was, what was your favourite ice-cream, Darcy’s was probably a good guess because you kept raving about their crappy mushroom soup and I just picked Hawaii because it’s everyone’s favourite holiday destination”.

“Angel, stop!”

“We don’t know each other, Nina. We never did. We got married because you got pregnant and we thought it was the right thing to do. The reason we stayed in this marriage was because of the kids and they are the only good thing that we did together.”

“I did love you, Angel. I stopped my career to raise the kids and become a homemaker. For you!”

“That’s right. You DID love me just like how I DID love you at one point of time but we haven’t loved each other for a long time. And I never asked you to be a homemaker. I always told you to have a career, be your own person but you made your life revolve around me and the kids.”

“Is that so bad?”

“It’s not but it was not what I wanted for you. It’s a choice you made so don’t throw it back in my face!”

“So, you came here to just what?...To tell me what a horrible wife I was?”

“No, I came here to tell you it’s over, Nina. We’re over. We couldn’t make it work then and it’s certainly not going to work now”.  
  
“You don’t know that.”

“The only reason you want to hang on is because this…this is all that you know…you were comfortable with the routine your life had and now that it’s changed, you’re afraid..not knowing what the future holds…but…you need to move on with life…it doesn’t stop…”

“How?...How do you do that? My life was you and the kids…it’s what I’m good at and now…I don’t know anymore…”

“I wished I could give you the answers but I can’t. You’ll figure it out eventually…”

“Have you moved on?”

I contemplated my answer, not wanting to hurt her more than I already did but I decided to be honest.

“I have. There was someone in my life”.

“Was?”

“She ended it…asked me to try to make it work with you. For the sake of Liam and Kathy.”

“That was why you came back…because she…is she the reason why you left just now?”

“Yes…she was in…an accident”, I answered, struggling to keep my composure.

“So the blood…it’s hers?”  
  
I nodded.

“You love her”, Nina whispered, it was more of a statement, a realization for her instead of a question.

I didn’t answer.

“Will she make it?”

“I don’t know”, I said painfully.


	9. Chapter 9

By the time I came back to the hospital, Buffy was still in surgery. It had been close to six hours and the doctor still wasn’t out. I was becoming agitated and frustrated. What was taking them so long?

At about 5 that morning, I heard someone called “Buffy Summers” and I was immediately on my feet with Joyce at my side.

“She lost a lot of blood and the knife got her liver. It was touch and go there for a moment but we managed to stabilise her and she’s out of danger”, Joyce and I breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thank god!” Joyce cried.

“However…”

Fear gripped my heart.

“we would need to monitor her very closely and the baby..it seems that the baby wasn’t harmed but we can’t say for sure. Once the healing starts, we can then do a proper check but that can only take place in a few weeks time”.  
  
My eyes widened. Baby? Did he say baby?

“Hold on. Baby?” Joyce asked.

“Yes, she’s 12 weeks pregnant”.

Twelve weeks. Three months…Buffy is having my baby!...

“But how…” Joyce wanted to ask but when her eyes caught mine, I know she had figured it out.

She looked back to the doctor and asked, “Can we see her?”

“We’re moving her from the ER. You can see her in about fifteen minutes. The nurse will let you know”.

We both thanked the doctor.  
  
There was a good five minutes of silence before Joyce asked, “How long?”

“It’s almost been a year.”

“She didn’t say anything.”

“I’m sorry you had to find out this way.”

“Me too...”

* * *

An hour later, I was allowed to see Buffy. When I entered, the sight of her nearly brought me to tears; she looked so small and frail. I slowly walked to her and just stood there, helpless, running my eyes from head to toe as if trying to inspect if anything else was injured. I gently placed my hand on her stomach; my large hand almost covering her abdomen. My baby…she was having my baby. If circumstances were different, I would be jumping for joy and relish in the feeling of having a baby with the woman I love.

That conversation with Nina was my decision to go back to Buffy and there was no way I’m leaving her now. Even if she forces me to go, I won’t. I leaned in and kissed her temple, silently praying to whatever god that would listen to me to keep her safe. Moments later, like a solace, I hear her beautiful voice.

“Angel”..and I rejoiced!

“Hey, beautiful”  
  
“Where am I?”

“You’re at the hospital”

“Where’s Connor and Dawn?”

“Your mom is with them and bringing them here later”.

“No!...she can’t!...they can’t see me like this!...please…she can’t!”

“Okay, okay…I’ll tell her not to bring them here..it’s okay”, I coaxed her, squeezing her small hand.

After much convincing, Joyce brought Connor and Dawn back to her place and I promised to talk to Buffy to let her kids see her. The next few weeks, I never left her side except to go home and change.

Every waking moment I had I was at the hospital.

Eventually Hollywood heard about the incident and reporters were trying to get the inside scoop but Buffy’s publicist handled it. Confirming that Buffy was in an altercation with William and there are discussions with a lawyer on what are the next steps to take but requested the media to respect Buffy’s privacy as she is recovering from the ordeal.

My presence also caught media attention because of the hours I was with her at the hospital. Old rumours about us resurfaced and suddenly, reporters were taking jabs and coming to their own conclusions. My publicist prodded me to release a statement but I ignored it. Who cares about the media? I just want Buffy to get better but honestly, we hadn’t talked about us or where we stood but with everything that is happening around us, it would have to wait until later.

Buffy agreed to press charges against William and was granted a restraining order. He was not allowed near her or the house and it was recommended that his visitation rights to Connor and Dawn were taken away until the case is over.

A week later, Buffy agreed to let her kids visit her. When they came and embraced her, I could see how much she missed them as much as they missed her but she still smiled and was in mom mode; asked Dawn if she’s done her homework, if she was prepared for his upcoming quiz. The twelve year old rolled her eyes, amazed that her mom was still nagging even though she was lying on the hospital bed. Connor made Buffy a get-well-soon card with Buffy dressed as Superwoman. Seeing her interaction with them made me smile. She was such a good mom.

At about eight, Joyce brought them home seeing that it was a school night and promised that they would come back tomorrow. Buffy kissed them goodnight, made them promise to behave for grandma before hugging me goodbye.  
  
“Are you staying, Uncle Angel?" Dawn asked.

“Yes”, I smiled.

“Why?” her voice sounded a little demanding.

“I just want to spend more time with your Mom is all”.

She frowned at my answer but did not say anything further and just waved goodbye. I knew Dawn heard the news going around in the media. As much as we try to protect our kids from the media, they will always have people around them that hear what’s going on and will ask them about it. I’m sure Dawn is facing it now and it’s a matter of time before my kids will get asked too.

After they left, I took a seat next to Buffy’s bed and held her hand.  
  
“How are you feeling?” I asked.  
  
“It hurts less. I think the stitches are healing pretty well”.

“That’s good”.

“Tomorrow the doctor said I’m well enough to check on the baby.”

“Really? That’s great!”

Moments of silence passed before she said,

“Dawn asked me about…us”.

I looked at her and knew now was the time to talk.

“Really?”

“With all the media attention, it’s kind of hard for her not to notice”.

“What did you tell her?”

“I just said that you’re my really good friend”.

“Okay.”

“But, I want to tell her the truth…I want to tell my kids the truth. With the baby coming, it’s kind of hard to keep us a secret anymore…but I thought I needed to talk to you first”.

I nodded.  
  
“Angel, I know that we’ve agreed to stay friends…” I mentally scoffed. I didn’t agree! It’s what you wanted. 

“…and we can continue to stay friends. We’ll work out on how to handle the baby thing…you can be as involved as you want…”

I cannot believe her. After everything, she is still going with “we’ll stay friends” routine? We are having a baby together, for crying out loud!

“…I know it’s complicated and I didn’t mean for this to happen but…” and I kissed her. With all my emotions that I have in me, I kissed her. This kiss was to tell her that I missed her, I longed for her, that the whole month I was without her, I felt empty and that I dreamt of her almost every single night. We broke apart and I rested my forehead against hers.

“Angel…” she caressed my name with the sexy, husky voice that made me weak in the knees.

“It’s over with me and Nina”, I told her.

“What?”

“It was over for a long time.”

“But…”

“I tried, Buffy. I tried to give Nina and me a chance but all I think about is you.”

And in that moment, I knew I had to tell her.

“I…I love you”.

There! I finally confessed and Buffy looked at me, bewildered and taken aback at my declaration. Did she really not know?

After what seemed like long moments, I could sense her hesitation. When she opened her mouth to say something, I placed a finger on her lips.

“You don’t have to say it back. I just…I just want you to know how I feel.”

I took a breath before continuing “I’ve been in love with you for a long time, possibly even when we first met. The things you make me feel…I’ve never felt before…the connection I have with you is so strong that it scares me, sometimes. I can sense when you’re near, I sense your mood…I don’t know how to explain it but I feel you inside me and that night, I just knew…I knew you were in danger and when I saw you...god!...I lost my mind…I’ve never been so scared my entire life!”  
  
She was crying now and honestly, I could feel tears pricking my eyes. The thought that I almost lost her just made my feelings towards her so blatantly clear.

“Please, don’t push me away. I don’t want to be friends…I want to be with you, hold you, love you…I can’t live without you…please”, I knew I was practically begging her but I don’t care. I could no longer see my life without her in it.

Buffy enveloped me in her small arms and cried into my shoulder and I hugged her. As always, she fits so perfectly in my arms, as though she belonged there. For a long time, we just held each other; this hug was a seal, a reunion of soul mates finally finding its way back to each other.

* * *

A week later, Buffy was discharged and shortly after, she had to go to court for the charges she filed against William. His lawyer accused Buffy for being unfaithful by having an affair with me during their marriage and that she wasn’t the doting wife that everyone thought she was. They tried to attack her character, making her look as though she was a bad person. They of course pleaded insanity in his defence...that her actions made William that way. Her lawyers in return had solid proof that William was the unfaithful one and that he was verbally abusive towards Buffy throughout their marriage. Her lawyers even had witnesses like her mom, other family members and friends who had seen him abusing Buffy. It made me angry! Buffy and I had never really discussed the reasons our respective marriages broke down so hearing how William was towards her was new information to me.

Eventually, the judge ruled in Buffy’s favour and William got a seven-year sentence for assault with intent to cause bodily harm, attempted rape and murder. I wished they would lock him away forever but according to the criminal justice system, because he never actually goes through the act, seven years is enough. When the bailiff was taking him away, I saw him smirk at Buffy and I swear I felt like running over and punching him in the face. Buffy must have felt my anger because she held on to my arm in an attempt to calm me down. But it was finally over.

* * *

We spent the next few weeks rebuilding our relationship and decided to break the news to our kids. Our older kids understood but we knew that they needed some time to get around to the idea of us together. The younger ones didn’t seem to fully understand yet but they know Buffy and I will be more involved in their lives. 

We also told my parents and Joyce. Buffy and I apologised for keeping Joyce in the dark. Seeing the situation we were in, Joyce understood. My parents were surprised but knew how serious I was about Buffy and told me to bring her to Philadelphia the next time I visit. We also informed the producers, crew and castmates of our show. Finally, both of us released a joint statement to admit that yes, we are in fact together.

I was elated. I can now hold her hand, kiss her, hug her and do couply stuff with her. No more hiding.

* * *

 

Shooting for the third season of our show began on schedule without Buffy. I shot my solo scenes and will shoot my scenes with Buffy when she has fully recovered.

By this time, I was practically living with Buffy. There wasn’t a formal discussion whatsoever. It just happened. I started putting my clothes in her drawers and her dresser has my comb and cologne. My coffee, my shampoo and body wash was in her shopping list when she went to buy groceries.  I only went back to my apartment on weekends when my kids came. Even then, Buffy would visit with Connor and Dawn. It was a good thing that our kids were already friends since they were little so they got along pretty well. Buffy was recovering well with the scars healing well and her doctors have given her the green light to go back to work. 

We took time to rebuild our relationship. We still kissed and hugged but it never went beyond that. I wanted to make sure she was ready and I was willing to wait. It was Saturday and we were at her place. We were planning on having a picnic at the beach with the kids today so on Friday night when I fetched Liam and Kathy; I decided to have them sleep over at Buffy’s. I woke up first and saw that Buffy was still soundly asleep. Waking up next to her every morning…well almost every morning and falling asleep at night with her in my arms is my most favourite thing now.

Usually, I’ll be the first to wake up and I would just stare at her; I would take in her features, the way her chest moved when she breathed and her messy hair on the pillow; she was beautiful even when she’s asleep. Today, her back was against me and I was spooning her, my hand securely holding her stomach where our baby was. Thankfully, our baby was not harmed and is healthy. Now at six months, Buffy’s stomach has a slight bump and I smiled as I caressed it. Moments later, Buffy stirred.

“Hmm…morning”, she mumbled as she turned and lied on her back.  
  
“Good morning”, I leaned down kissing her.

“What time is it?”

“It’s slightly after seven”.

“Too early to get up”, Buffy groaned, moving her head to my shoulder and closing her eyes again. I smiled and kissed her temple.

“We have to get up soon though. We need to wake the kids, prepare the food, pack the picnic stuff”.

“Ugh…who’s idea was it to have this picnic?”

“I think it was yours, baby. I wanted to bring them to the movies but you said ‘let’s go to the beach!’”  
  
“What was I thinking?”

“Come on…the kids are looking forward to the beach.”

“Ten more minutes please…”

I laughed. I couldn’t deny her.

“Okay”, I said and she snuggled against me and drifted back to sleep.

“Daddy!! Wake up!! It’s beach time!” I hear Kathy say.

“Yeah!!...Wake up Mom...I wanna go to the beach”, Connor was clearly excited too.

Before we could react, the two of them climbed on the bed and started jumping up and down.

“Wake up! Wake up! We wanna go to the beach”.

I laughed and Buffy groaned, clearly annoyed by them jumping.

“Okay…okay…we’re up…why don’t you two wake Dawn and Liam and we’ll come in a few minutes to help you guys wash up”, I said.

“Okay!!” they both said and jumped down the bed and left our room holding hands. Moments later I hear “Liam! Dawn!!...wake up!!...it’s beach day!!!”

I smiled at this scene. I feel like well…as corny as it sounds, like we’re a family.

“There’s no running away now. We need to get up”, I whispered in her ear. Buffy ignored me and just snuggled closer.


	10. Chapter 10

The beach was a nice and the kids had fun. We spent the whole day building sandcastles, swimming, cycling, in short enjoying the sea, sun and sand. At about six, we decided to call it a day and clean up to go for dinner at a diner nearby. I was waiting at the common area outside of Connor’s bathroom. He insisted on washing himself despite my constant offer to help.

“I’m right outside if you need me, buddy”, I assured him.

“Okay, Uncle Angel”.

Moments later, Liam joined me having finished his quick shower.

“Aren’t you showering, Dad?”

“I will. Right after Connor’s done”.

“I’m here if he needs anything. You can go on ahead and shower.”

“It’s fine. I can…”

“Dad, it’s okay. Besides, I think Connor likes me more than he likes you”.

I smiled. My son has been amazing and he was silently my strength throughout everything. He seems to take everything in stride but I want to make sure he is okay with everything that’s happening.

“Listen, I know Buffy and I have talked to you guys before but the two of us haven’t really talked about everything that’s going on”.

“And you think _now_ is a good time to talk about this?”

“Look, if you’re okay or you’re not okay about all this…I want you to talk to me okay?...”

He nodded and I took my bag to go shower.

“Hey, dad”

“Yeah, buddy”.

“I really like Aunt Buffy”, Liam said smiling at me.

I returned his smile and not for the first time, my amazing son reminded me why I was so proud to be his father.

* * *

 

That night, after tucking all the kids in, Buffy and I was preparing to turn in for the night. I was already in bed, flicking through the TV channels while waiting for her to finish washing up. Ten minutes later, she emerged, her face clean of make-up and her hair loosely falling past her shoulders.

“What are you watching?”

“Nothing. I was just waiting for you for finish”, I said, my eyes still on the TV, a crime documentary caught my interest. I settled on the channel and was intently watching the show. I must have been too engrossed on the show because when Buffy straddled me, it caught me completely off-guard. But I was in no way complaining.

“I’m finished now”, she said before leaning in and kissing me long and hard, pushing her tongue in my mouth and tangling it with mine. I know what this kiss meant.

When we broke away, I pulled back to look into her eyes and that was when I noticed. She was wearing only a champagne silk robe that I knew had nothing underneath.

She reached for my wifebeater and pulled it up over my head and throws it on the floor. She kissed me again and I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight against me, relishing her luscious lips on mine. When we broke away, she reached for the sash of her robe but I stopped her, wanting to unwrap this precious gift on my own.

I took my time, pulling the gentle fabric one end at a time, slowly undoing the knot before throwing the sash away, not caring where it went. Although still slightly obscured by the silk robe that was hanging by her shoulders, her beautiful skin came to view; her flawless chest, the perfect curve of her breast and her abdomen, lovely with a slight bump, an indication of my child growing inside her.

I gently tugged her robe off her shoulders, kissing it before continuing to her collarbone and neck. I moved my lips along the column of her neck, her chin before settling on her lips again, kissing her with vigour. I was hungry and thirsty for her and the past three months of celibacy made my desire heightened tenfold and wanted nothing more than to bury myself deep inside her but I allowed her to set the pace.

When we broke away, she leaned her forehead on mine and I heard her say, “I love you”.

It was a gentle whisper but it was so clear to me. I pulled back to look at her beautiful face. There was a saying how you feel your heart burst with happiness and that was exactly how I felt. I could literally feel my heart bursting and for a moment I was speechless, bowled over by her declaration.

“Buffy…” was all I said before kissing her passionately, allowing her to feel my hunger for her as my fingers roamed across her back. I pushed her down, laying her on the bed and quickly removed my sweatpants and boxers. Just when I threw them on the floor, Buffy advanced on me, pushing me down so I lay on my back as she kissed me leisurely, as her fingers caressing my face.

Her lips soon travelled over my face, tracing her fingers, kissing my forehead, my eyes and my nose before moving to my neck, chest and abs. When her dainty fingers circled my shaft, my hips involuntarily jerked at her seductive touch but when her hot lips took in my hardened member, it took all of me not to come.

I gripped my hair, the bed sheets, the pillow and bit my lips from groaning out loud in pleasure, not wanting the kids to hear. She took me deeper into her mouth her head bobbing as sucked me like a delicious lollipop. I was so very close.  
  
“Buffy, stop…” but that only made her sucked harder.

“Baby…I’m gonna”, and I jerked, surprising her and even myself as my seed spilled into her mouth.

I took in huge amounts of breaths and tried to calm down as I felt her kissing her way up my body. When her face hovered over mine, I held it in my hands and kissed her thoroughly, moaning as I nudged her over so I was on top.

I broke the kiss and my lips found her jaw, nipping her earlobe before continuing down her neck, my blunt teeth nipping her wonderful skin. As I moved lower to pay attention to her breasts, she arched into my mouth as I suckled her nubs until it was pebbled against my lips.

I moved so that I was right at her entrance before mauling her lips and as our tongues mated, I entered her slowly, moving inside her inch by glorious inch. I didn’t retreat because I wanted to be inside her; I wanted all of me to be inside her. My girth was languorously travelling deeper, disappearing inside her warmth, enveloping me, consuming me, gripping me and I tried so hard to restrain myself, wanting to prolong this perfection.

Finally, she was swallowing me whole and I felt her all around me and it was glorious. It was heaven; I was home. We fit each other just as I remembered, just as we were supposed to. We stayed still with our eyes glued to one another, speaking capacities of love for the other. For long moments, we stayed still as I relished in the intimacy, of being able to be so close to her that I could hear her heart beating, her erratic breath on my face, her fingers on my back and her legs twining around me.

I started moving inside her, grinding in and out before pounding into her until her hips was lifted off the bed. My hammering only ignited the passion within her as she began clawing my back, mauling my lips and biting my neck. I returned her passion and hammered even harder and when I felt myself teetering, I searched for her lips in an attempt to stop myself from screaming as I went taut, the divine bliss of ecstasy washed over me and it was only seconds later that I felt her shrieking into my mouth as her juices and my seed melded inside her. I broke away and collapse on top of her. I could hear her pant against my ears as I too tried to steady my breath.

When I returned to reality, I indulged myself with her caresses for a few minutes before immediately rolling off her, suddenly remembering that she was pregnant.

“Oh my god! I’m sorry! Did I hurt you?”

She was surprised by my sudden movement, “What?”

“I had my whole weight on you. Are you okay?” I touched her stomach as if searching for a visible injury.

“Honey, I’m pregnant. I’m not weak. Don’t worry about it.”

“Are you sure?”

She straddled me and seductively wiggled herself on me before answering, “Positive”.

She began to grind me and I felt myself hard again. God, she’s insatiable but will this harm the baby? I held her hips and sat up in an attempt to stop her.

“You don’t want to?” she asked.

“Oh, I want to believe me. I’m pretty sure you can feel that I want you…but, the baby…”

“Angel, we already did it…it’s a little too late to worry, don’t you think?”  
  
“I know…I wasn’t thinking earlier and…”

“I’m fine…”

“But still…”

“Tell you what…why don’t you let me be on top this time?...so you don’t worry about crushing me?...hmm?” kissing me and grinding into me even harder. Sigh..my sweet, sweet baby. I could never deny her and we took.

That night I worshipped her over and over and over and over again until dawn came. As I tucked her in my arms and covered us with the blanket, I kissed her temple as we proclaimed our love for each other and drift off to sleep.

* * *

The next morning, I woke up and reached out for her only to find her side of the bed empty. I opened my eyes and saw that it was a little after eight and Buffy was no longer in the room. I slipped on my sweatpants and went in search of her, finding her in the living room with Kathy, watching cartoons. Buffy was doing Kathy’s hair as she animatedly told Buffy stories about her friends in school, who she was best friends with and who was the cutest boy in class. When Buffy mocked that she secretly liked the cutest boy in class, in true eight-year old fashion, her face scrunched in disgust as she said eww, boys have cooties. She and Buffy had a laugh and my heart just swelled at the sight.

Kathy noticed me and ran over to hug me around my waist.  
  
“Morning daddy!”

“Morning, sweetheart”, I greeted her and leaned down to kiss her forehead.

“Aunt Buffy tied my hair today”.

“So I see. It’s very pretty. Did you thank her?”

She immediately turned and said, “Thank you, Aunt Buffy”.

“You’re welcome”, giving Kathy a smile.

“I’m going to go and start breakfast. What would you like today, kitty Kat?” Buffy asked. Kitty Kat was a nickname Buffy had for her since she was three and as she grew older, Kathy would indulge Buffy by meowing whenever she called her that. I found it cute and sometimes, I call kitty Kat too.

“I want pancakes!...and bacon!...and eggs…and strawberries!”

“Woah…slow down, Kathy. We don’t want to be too much trouble for Aunt Buffy”.

“It’s no trouble at all, Angel. Anything for my kitty Kat”, Buffy said before going into the kitchen.

I turned back to Kathy and asked if she had cleaned up her sleeping area which she hasn’t so I sent her back upstairs.

I entered the kitchen and saw Buffy standing at the counter stirring the pancake batter in a huge bowl. I stood behind her and wrapped my arms around her, gently resting my hands on her bump and kissed her neck.

“Good morning, baby”, I whispered in her ear.

“Morning”.

“You left me alone upstairs”.

“I’m sorry. I heard Kathy looking for you but you were still deeply asleep. I didn’t want to wake you since I kept you up last night”.

“Let’s keep me up again tonight”.

“Really? What happened to ‘I’m sorry, did I hurt you?’, ‘are you okay?’ ”

“That stupid guy? Forget about him”.

She giggled and I turned her around, kissing her soundly on her lips. I lifted her onto the counter and she instinctively wrapped her legs around my hips.

“Angel, we need to stop…the kids…” Buffy said, breaking our kiss.

“They’re still asleep”, I kissed her again.

“Kathy’s awake”.

“I kept her busy upstairs”.

“You’re seriously not thinking of…”

“I can be really fast…” and my hands began inching up her thigh closer to her warmth.

“Honey, stop…one of them will see us”.

“They won’t.”

“I need to make breakfast”.

“Make it later” and I continued kissing her neck and collarbone.

For a moment, I thought I had won Buffy over as she moaned and wrapped her arms around my neck. But suddenly we heard, “Mommy?” and we repelled, imitating two like-poles magnet. I turned and saw Connor in his pyjamas with his hair ruffled from sleep and rubbing his eyes. Buffy gave me a ‘I-told-you-so’ look and gave her attention to Connor, leaving me alone in the kitchen. I sighed and went upstairs to take a shower.


	11. Chapter 11

Life went back to routine; I wake up, have breakfast, go to work, come back, have dinner, sleep and repeat the process. The only difference was, I did it all with Buffy. Shortly after the baby was born, Buffy sold the house she had with William and together, we bought a bigger house so we could have more space and rooms for all the kids. Since I moved in with her, I have been renting out my apartment. Our show was going on quite well despite the producers’ scepticism since Buffy and I went public. Unsurprisingly, a lot of fans were rooting for us to be an item since ‘Blara-ship’ so when we officially announced, they were nothing but supportive.

Buffy gave birth to our baby boy in July and we named him Aidan Blaine. We knew we wanted the baby to have our initials, ‘A’ and ‘B’ and we tossed around a lot of possibilities before settling on the name. Our kids adored their new baby brother and by now, Buffy and I have bonded with each others’ kids. Kathy always looked forward to spending time with Buffy and together with Dawn, they are always laughing or giggling.

Liam and I eventually talked and although he admitted he wasn’t that enthusiastic of the idea that Nina and I will never reconcile, he could see that I was very happy with Buffy. He was always fond of his Aunt Buffy but he never expected that she would someday, be my other half however overtime, with her charm and effort to get closer to him; Liam became smitten with her and like Kathy, enjoyed his weekends with Buffy and me.

Connor was very receptive with me since the beginning, probably because like Kathy, he was too young to understand what was going on. I took him to soccer practise, fetched him from school, took him to the park, I basically became a father figure in his life. Dawn however took a longer time to open up to me. She wasn’t too happy of my relationship with Buffy, disliked that I was always around and hated that I tried to be a father to her. ‘I already have a dad’, she would tell Buffy defiantly. 

Like a teen, she lashed out and started to get into trouble which drove Buffy up the wall but I always tried to reach out to her. When Buffy was angry, I would gently talk to Dawn, just so she knows that I am not trying to be her father but will always be there for her. Later, I found out that she has been keeping in touch with William since he got incarcerated. She wrote him letters and talked to Buffy to let her visit him but William was indifferent and did not return her letters.

Buffy told me that William was a good and attentive father to Dawn until she was seven. That was when the affairs started. Buffy knew William has not been faithful to her for a long time but stayed together because of the kids. It was during this period he became verbally abusive with Buffy.

Dawn’s image of him as a loving father stayed with her and even as she got older and saw her parents’ marriage deteriorate, she still held William in high regard. His actions after the divorce disappointed her but she still held hope that one day, she will get her father back. It is this hope that kept her writing letters to him and her yearning to see him.

Buffy hated that pain William brought Dawn and although she tried to make him see that he is still a father to Dawn and Connor, William seemed not to care. I couldn’t believe how much he’s changed. We were not friends but we’ve acquainted enough times for me to know that William was a decent guy when he and Buffy started dating. What triggered his change was a mystery but he told Buffy that he was sick of it all; being a husband, a father and his routine life. He wanted adventure and it triggered his affairs, his verbal abuse but to cause harm to another person was not something even Buffy saw coming.

After being disappointed by William enough times, Dawn sadly accepted that the man that she put up on a pedestal is gone. Seeing this made me even more committed to make sure that I was always there for her. When Buffy couldn’t volunteer at her school fair due to her schedule, I cancelled my plans to play golf with my buddies and went in her place. When she has sleepovers at her friends’, I would volunteer to send and fetch her back when Buffy couldn’t. When Buffy was hell bent on not allowing sleepovers at our house, I convinced Buffy to let it happen and even promised to clean up after them. Little by little, her resolve crumbled and now, when she talks about me, she refers to me as her ‘cool stepdad’. I was elated.

My relationship with Buffy was every bit perfect in my book. Like any normal couple, we fight and we argue like how it annoys her that I leave the toothpaste cap off or that I didn’t pick up my dirty shirts that fell off the hamper. Her stubbornness would in turn drive me crazy. Once, she was changing a light bulb in the bathroom but fell and sprained her ankle. I specifically told her to wait for me to come back but she didn’t; claiming that she has played handyman at her house for a long time. Or when she got sick and I insisted she sees the doctor which she of course refused, saying sleep would make it all better. Well, it didn’t and she ended up in the hospital for 3 days due to high fever. She never listens!

But after three years together, I was still crazy about her. My heart still skipped whenever I laid eyes on her and my attraction to her only grew overtime. We made hot, passionate love often and there wasn’t a day that passed that I didn’t tell her that I love her. I was deeply in love and in lust with her.

* * *

 

“So, you just wrapped up the fourth season of the show and I gotta say I’m a huge fan. The last episode was a real cliff hanger! Could you give us any insights of what to expect in the fifth season?”  
I was doing an appearance on Harry.  
  
“Honestly, I am as clueless as everyone. We’re all on our break now and I am not privy to the scripts or story”.

“Well, my wife loves the show as well and thinks you are the ideal American husband and whenever we fight or argue, she always says why can’t I be more like you?”  
  
The crowd laughs.

“I mean I keep having to remind her that your character is fictional! A few of my friends are facing the same thing. Husbands are getting compared to you. You’re seriously ruining the market here, man.”

“Well, I aim to please”.

“But seriously, your character is this devoted man who loves a woman that doesn’t remember him every few days. I mean, playing this character, being this man, was it hard for you?”

“It is challenging and hard for me; portraying the correct emotions and feel to this character. I was lucky to have had the privilege to meet a few couples who actually face this in real life and in reality, it is emotionally draining to be in that position.”  
  
“So, there are actually people who face this?”

“Yeah and the number is not small which shocked me. You hear about this and there have been shows and movies being made on this but while doing this show, I actually met these people and the struggles they face are real."

 “What was the most challenging thing you had to do?”

I took a moment to think.

“There are so many challenging scenes but I think the one that I remember the most was there was a scene where I woke up in the middle of the night and found my wife not in bed. I was of course worried and went to look for her when I was notified by the local police that she was at the station.”

“Yeah, I remember that episode. It was from the season three, right?”

“Yeah, so eventually I went to the station to get her but of course she couldn’t remember me and refused to go with me. Stuff happened and eventually I manage to convince her to come home and when she went back to sleep, I went to the living room and cried. That scene where I had to sit there and cry was hard because there were so many emotions rolled into one. I was scared, worried, angry, happy, relieved but at the same time, I was exhausted. So that scene was difficult for me. To be able to correctly portray all those emotions by crying was hell for me.”

“So, the tears were real?”

“It was! I feel so much for my character. A part of him is exhausted and he could easily give up and throw in the towel but because of the love and devotion he has for his wife, the other part of him so desperately wants to hang on to their marriage and I see it in the couples I met.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s amazing. They are honestly tired and drained but they will fiercely protect the marriage and love that they have for their spouse who are suffering from the condition.”

“The other time I was talking to a friend of mine who is a psychologist and he commented that your show actually helped create awareness for this condition. People who are in the same plight but didn’t know how to handle this now know that there is help. You can seek help from doctors and professionals and more people are coming forward to get the help they need.”

The crowd applauded.

“I think the credit should go to the people who created this show. When I first started shooting this, I had no idea that there was a community and they are a bunch of amazing people. In fact, some of the show’s storylines were inspired by incidents that happened in their lives. I just feel very proud and honoured to be able to be a part of it”.

“Now, I heard that in the beginning, you were not really keen on doing the show”.  
  
I can hear a few gasps in the audience.

“You guys didn’t know that? I was shocked too! I mean I cannot imagine anyone else in that character”.

I laughed a little.

“Well, you heard right.”

“Do share”.

“At the time, I was working for like what, 18 years non-stop. I just got divorced and was rebuilding my life. I had plans to take a break and spend time with my kids before taking another job but my agent was telling me that Alan, one of the producers, really wanted me but I was like, no…I really need a break but then…I found out that Buffy was being offered the role of the wife and that was the deal maker”.

“So, you accepted the role because of her?”

“Yupe.”

“How is Buffy as a co-star?”

“Amazing. We’re usually able to grasp each other’s emotions and feelings during scenes and we’ve worked together for a long time before so there is a level of familiarity and comfort when I work with her that I don’t share with anyone else. She is by far my most favourite co-star.”

“Of course that has nothing to do with the fact that she’s your co-star in real life too”, Harry teased.

There is applause and whistling from the audience as a picture of me with Buffy in my arms appeared on screen and I can’t help but smile.  
  
“And the two of you have a son together.”

“We do”, and the crowd cooed as a picture of my son appeared.

“How old is he?”

“He just turned 2 last week”.

“He’s the cutest little thing! Who does he take after?”

“Other than the dark hair, he’s all Buffy. His eyes, nose, lips even when he smiles…all her”, I can’t help feeling my heart swell talking about my boy.  
  
“Does he still keep you guys up at night?”  
  
“Yeah, he does but weirdly, I don’t mind because I love every minute I am with the lil’ fella”.

“I read somewhere that his name is a tribute to one of your characters.”

“His middle name, Blaine was actually a character I played. Buffy and I wanted our son to carry our initials ‘A’ and ‘B’ so we tossed a few names around and we liked the name Aidan. For ‘B’, it was a toss between Ben or Bradley but Buffy suddenly thought of Blaine and it just seemed to fit. The name is sentimental to us because I met Buffy while I was playing the character Blaine Mason so when we put it together; Aidan Blaine Callahan, it sounded perfect.”

“So, you actually knew Buffy for a long time”.

“Yeah, we’ve been friends for many years”.

“I remembered that there were a lot of rumours about the two of you back then…Let’s be honest. Were there any truth to those rumours?”  ”.

Ugh. I usually hated when they talked about this but I knew Harry wasn’t those gossip-hungry reporters and I was informed beforehand by the producers of his show that Buffy and my relationship will be brought up.

“No…there was no truth to the rumours. Buffy and I only got together when our marriages ended.

“What I find amazing is with the popularity you have with your show, you guys kept it under wraps for almost a year! Even after you went public, you were not in the news as much. I mean, being someone in the industry I know how hard Jill and I worked to keep our private life away from the public eye…so that our kids could have a normal childhood. How did you manage to remain so tight-lipped about it?"

“That first year, our dates were mostly indoors either my house or hers and even when we were seen together, it was a known fact that Buffy and I were close friends so…people usually don’t bat an eyelash when they see us together. But there’s no solution or definite steps we take to keep us low. We just don’t talk about us…this is actually the first time I’m talking about this so openly and you’re right…it takes hard work to keep our private lives private but it comes with this job. Buffy and I have been in this long enough to know that as much as we try to keep things quiet, there are times when we can’t. So we just do the best we can and be good parents to our kids and raise them the best way we know how”.

“I think it is something all celebrities face when they settle down and have a family. Finding the balance”.

“Generally, I try to take questions on my life in stride but Buffy is fiercely private about hers and that’s why you will never see her do a tell-all or answer questions about our lives. It’s a slice of her life that the public cannot have because it’s hers. She doesn’t see the need to share it with the world. She decides what she wants or don’t want to share.”

“So, is she okay with you here sharing with us”.

“I think whatever I’m sharing are known facts that if you search on the net, you could probably find”.

“Now, I’m pretty certain that the next question has not been addressed before”.

“Okay, hit me”.

“Are there wedding bells in the near future?”

He’s right. The wedding question has been thrown at us a lot but we always dodged it and here it is again.

“I really don’t know. I mean, we’ve both been married before and it didn’t work out. All I know is I’m in this for the long haul and what we have now is great. Why spoil something that doesn’t need fixing, you know?”

After answering a few more questions, the interview finally ended and having no further schedules, I headed home. The ride home was filled with thoughts. I had thought about marriage a few times in our time together but Buffy and I have never really talked about it. I just assumed that marriage was a touchy subject for her and truly, we were happy with the way things are.  


	12. Chapter 12

By the time I reached home, I found Connor and Dawn watching TV and reminded them that it’s bedtime soon. With eyes still glued to the TV, they simply said ok and I chuckled; I knew that I will need to drag them away from the TV later. I went upstairs and found Buffy in the nursery, rocking Aidan to sleep. I approached her quietly and placed my hands on her waist.

“Hey”, I whispered, kissing her cheek.

“Shhhhh…he just went to sleep”.

She rocked him for a few more minutes before finally putting him in his cot. She turned and hugged me as I buried my face in her neck, inhaling her delicious scent. We walked out of the nursery hand-in-hand and into our bedroom.

“So, how was Harry?” she asked.

“It was alright”, and went on to briefly tell her what he asked as I peeled off my clothes and threw them in the hamper, making sure it actually went inside the hamper. I then took a quick shower before slipping on comfortable sweatpants and wifebeater. In the fifteen minutes I took to shower, Buffy had heat up my dinner and managed to get the kids to go to bed. She accompanied me while I ate, sharing what she did for the day. Two hours later, we were both in bed making out before eventually giving into our desires, worshipping each other until we physically couldn’t.

Much later in the night, I was staring at the ceiling when I felt her stir in my arms, turning on her side so that her back was facing me. She had dozed off twenty minutes earlier and I was oddly wide awake. I turned to my side and moved closer to her so she was against my chest, my arms spooning her around her waist. She curled into me and I smiled, kissing her temple. I looked down at her sleeping form and it hit me. I want to marry her.

I began to imagine being a husband again and this time to the woman that I love with everything I have and I can’t believe that I’m admitting this but she truly is in every sense of the word; my soulmate. I found myself smiling; the thought of calling Buffy my wife isn’t such a bad idea. I leaned down and kissed her bare shoulder before allowing sleep to come to me.

* * *

I spent the next few weeks looking for the perfect ring for her. I saw a few beautiful rings at Tiffany’s and Harry Winston but none of it appealed to me. Buffy was a special and incredible woman and she deserves an exquisite ring. I remembered one of my father’s friends; Kieran Gallagher was a jeweller so I contacted him to see if he had any unique diamond rings. He said he has one but has never put it up for sale simply because it was special to him. After explaining it was for my wonderful Buffy and hearing my sincere proclamation of love for her, he felt compelled to show it to me. He sent me a picture of the ring and the moment I saw it, I knew that this was the ring. 

Two hands held a crowned diamond heart. I’ve seen the ring before. My grandparents wore a silver band with identical design as their wedding rings. I called Kieran back and he explained that it was a Claddagh ring, iconic with the Irish people. In the old days, couples would wear it with the heart pointing towards them to let other people know that they were taken…that their heart belonged to someone else. Mine definitely belonged with Buffy. I told him immediately that I will take it.  

What the ring stands for truly represents what Buffy means to me. The hands represent friendship; something I had with her for a long time. She was the first, true friend I made when I first came to Hollywood, helping me, guiding me and she is among the people I credit for my success. Her show gave me my first big break which allowed me to have my own show and a career that has spanned over 20 years.

The crown represents loyalty and that she is; fiercely loyal and protective to people she cares about. When my marriage broke down or I was down in life or I was facing a hard time, people I thought were friends weren’t there for me but like a beacon, she was. Sure, life got in the way but when it mattered, when I needed someone, she was there.

The heart represented love which was what we have. I thought I had loved before but the love we shared was truly special. It was not like anything I felt before.  A love so unconditional that I don’t think I could be without her. She is literally my other half.

When the ring arrived two weeks later, it looked more beautiful than the picture. I began to plan my proposal. It had to be perfect.

I decided to do it on her birthday. I wanted to take her away; away from Hollywood, away from our wonderful chaotic life where it will be just the two of us. I recalled the plan I had to whisk her away during our one-year anniversary and I thought it was perfect. I spoke to Joyce and asked if there was a place in New York that was special to Buffy and she said there was a park near their old neighbourhood where Buffy’s father used to bring her all the time before he passed. The park held special memories for her and she would visit it every time she was in New York. That is where I will propose to her.

I started making the necessary arrangements and rebooked the romantic activities and restaurants I had originally planned to bring her. The wait for New York felt long and excruciating for me; like I could not wait to propose to her. I was like an excited little kid counting the days to go on a trip except I was a grown man with five kids. There were so many times I told myself to keep my cool so that she doesn’t suspect anything.

* * *

Finally, we were in New York. We arrived late afternoon and after checking in at The Plaza and washing up, we began our wonderful day…or whatever was left of it. I had planned a boat ride, after which, a romantic candlelight dinner and will end off with a walk around the park.

“Dinner was amazing”, she said. Our fingers intertwined as we walked towards the park.

“Glad you like it”, I replied and gently kissed her temple.

“I forgot how much I missed the food.”

For a few moments, we walked in silence and took in the peaceful night. She laid her head on my shoulder and we slowed down our pace.

“It’s been so long since we did this”

“Do what?” I asked

“This…a date…just the two of us. I adore our kids, don’t get me wrong but it’s nice to just get away from the wonderful madness that it is our life and just spend some time together.”

“Well, if you want, we can make it a weekly thing…every week, we have one date night. We can do anything, dinner, movie, anything…just the two of us”.

“Really?” she lifted her head to look at me.

“Of course”.

“You’re going to spoil me”.

“You deserve every bit of it and I love spoiling you”, and I leaned down for a kiss.

“Hmm…once a week may be a bit of a stretch with the kids, work and everything…maybe once a month?”

“Up to you…I would like to date you more than that but I’m sure I can find other ways to spoil you”.

“Such as?”

I stopped and held her by the waist, pulling her so she is flushed against my chest.

“Such as flowers, gifts and other stuff”.

“What stuff?”

“You know…stuff…naughty stuff…sexy stuff…in…bed…my favourite way of spoiling you” she giggled and I leaned down for a kiss. Our kiss was quickly turning passionate before she breaks it off.

“People are looking”, she whispered against my lips.

“Let them look…I don’t care”, before kissing her again.

“Angel…I really wanna go to the park…”

So do I but I pretended to pout.

“How about we go to the park and later, I’ll let you do anything to me…in bed…” she whispered.

“Anything?”

“Anything you want”.

“Let’s walk faster to the park”, I said and pulled her towards the park.

Five minutes later, we were walking along the pathway at the park. Being this late in the night, the park was littered with mostly couples like us, walking, talking and just enjoying each other’s company.

“I miss this...my dad used to bring me here all the time”.

We walked past a playground and she stopped.

“He used to push me on this swing and there is where he would teach me how to ride my bike…and over there is where the ice-cream guy would be and he’ll buy me ice-cream which I would eat on our way home..sometimes, we would roller blade but dad wasn’t really good at it so dad would rather we cycle..during winter, this whole area would be filled with snow and we’ll build a snowman…I had one rule…the snowman had to be taller than me and dad always made sure it was”.

I smiled and intently listened to her reminiscing. When she suddenly went silent, I held her tighter.

“I miss him Angel…so much…he liked you, you know…back then, when there were rumours about us, he said he wouldn’t mind having handsome Blaine as his son-in-law…if he could only see us now…and Aidan…he would be so happy”. I smiled.

“Ugh!...look at me, ruining our romantic night…Okay!...no more sappy stories”, she sniffled and I pulled her into my arms, kissing her forehead. She buried her face in my chest and for a few minutes, she cries and I just held her.

“Thank you for bringing me here”, she finally said, her voice muffled against my chest.

“Anything for my baby”.

She laughed and looked up at me, “I love you”, she said with eyes full of affection and I knew; I had to ask her now. I pulled her to a nearby bench and sat down. I stared into her hazel eyes that I’ve felt myself drown in so many times and my heart raced. I have practised what I wanted to say to her so many times but now actually saying it to her, I got nervous.

“You okay, honey?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine…it’s just…” and I let out a nervous puff.

She reached out to twine her fingers with mine.

“What is it?”

Okay, I just need a few seconds then I’m going to propose. What the hell is wrong with me! This is not my first proposal but…but it’s Buffy!...the only woman who has this power over me that makes me behave like hormonal teen…the woman that I’m crazy about…the woman I love with everything that I have…the one I could no longer live without…I cleared my throat and gather my strength..

“Buffy…you are one hell of an amazing woman and you have made me happier in the last three years than I had ever been in my life…and I…I…”

My mind went blank. Oh god!...I had a whole script prepared!...

“I…I’m sorry…give me a sec…” and I tried to gather my thoughts but nothing was coming. This is crazy...

“Angel?”

What the hell. I’m just gonna ask.

“This really isn’t how I envisioned this to be but…” and I kneeled in front of her and took out the velvet box that was holding her ring.

“Buffy Anne Summers, will you marry me?”

She stared at me wide-eyed and now, if it was possible I was even more nervous about her answer. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack and then in her sweet voice, I heard her say, “Yes”.

“What?” asking her to repeat just so I could be sure.

“Yes, I’ll marry you!” and with my trembling hand, I slid the ring onto her finger. She threw herself into my arms and I caught her, wrapping her tightly. I got emotional and felt tears in my eyes as I held onto her.

“I’m sorry. It was supposed to be perfect…I had a whole script prepared…” I began to explain as we stood up.

“…and I had the whole scene planned out and I chose this park to mmf..” she kissed me and I lost myself.

We broke the kiss and she nuzzles my nose.

“It **_was_** perfect and you are one hell of a man too”, she giggled.

“I love you so much…I promise I’ll make you happy”.

“You already do, Angel.”

And we kissed again, which quickly became heated, as I tangled her tongue with mine.

“Umm…do you still wanna walk or…” I asked, panting into her face.

“Hotel…now…”

We quickly walked to our rented car and I sped back to the hotel.


	13. Chapter 13

I’ve always wanted her and sexually, we were completely and utterly satisfied but that night, my desire for her seem to amplify. I slowly peeled off my shirt and sat on the bed; my eyes raking over her with want and longing. Buffy’s form was visible through the dress clinging seductively to her body. She slowly walked over to me, her eyes burning with such passion that I found myself drowning in them.

When she was in front of me, she stroked my face, bringing it up to hers, locking our eyes as she leaned down and brushed a soft kiss on his lips. I leaned up and deepened the kiss, wrapping both his arms around her waist, holding her to me. This time, it won’t be hunger that needed to be quenched with raw sexual energy. This was two lovers wanting to make love with such passion and intimacy, that emotions were brimming at the surface, threatening to overflow. It will be sensual, gentle and full of tenderness...like our first time.

Buffy broke the kiss and ever so slowly, without taking her eyes off mine, she slowly unzipped her dress. I loosened my grip and simply watched with avid interest. As the dress slid off; her beautiful skin came to sight; her flawless chest, the perfect curve of her breast and her lovely abs.

My desire heightened tenfold and I wanted nothing more than to bury myself deep inside her but my needs will have to wait. I simply enjoyed the seductive vision before me and allowed her to set the pace.

She tugged on my pants, unbuttoning and unzipping unhurriedly, dawdling, teasing me. I let out a moan as she gave me a sweet smile. Soon, I was nude before her, hard and ready. She kissed me again, leisurely, as her fingers caressed my face. Her lips travelled over my face, tracing her fingers, kissing my forehead, my eyes and nose before settling on my lips again. I kissed her passionately, allowing her to feel my hunger for her. 

Ever so slowly, she straddled me and in a move I never expected, she immediately took my hard strength into her slippery folds. We gasped at the contact as she placed her hands on my shoulders steadying herself. For moments, we kept still, glorying in the feeling of being one. I embraced her, my fingers roaming across her back. It was perfect and we fit each other just as we were supposed to. Our eyes glued to each other, speaking capacities of love for the other.

Slowly, Buffy started grinding me, moving up and down and I caressed and cupped her breasts for some moments before wrapping my arms around her and crushed her naked form to mine. My hands flexed on her shoulders as she wrapped her arms around my broad shoulders, wanting me close.

I could feel her nipples pebbling against my chest, loving the feeling of her naked skin against mine. Loosening my grip, I bent and suckled her left breast as she continued grinding. She let out a moan and arched against my mouth. She gradually increased the pace as I felt her gently tugged my face to hers and pressed her lips to mine.

I kissed her back with so much passion and love; my hands roaming her back as she kept on riding my velvet length. I didn’t push her, didn’t hurry her; I simply held her and allowed her to move on her own while I relished the lusty feelings she awakened within me. She broke the kiss and rode me harder, her eyes locking onto mine as she moved up and down. Her breathing became erratic and soon she started panting. She closed her eyes and hover her lips over mine, as if leaning for a kiss but she just kept on riding.

I could feel his myself brimming; my eyes never leaving her face, loving the erotic expressions and moans she made. It made me harder and closer to the edge. She opened her eyes from time to time and locking them with mine and rode me harder and faster, sinking her nails into my shoulders, taking me deeper and I could feel her reaching her ecstasy.

I kissed her, tangling my tongue with hers as she moaned against my mouth. She fastened the pace, sealing me completely inside her and broke the kiss to let out a seductive cry. She was so very close.

A few moments later, she let go of her hold on reality and came, shrieking my name as she reached that earth shattering, godly climax. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her face, mesmerized by her beauty when she came. It was just moments later that I joined her in eternal bliss. I held her close as she shuddered in my arms, trying to recover.

When I felt her calm down, I gently kissed her, mumbling sweet nothings against her lips. Still inside her, I deepened the kiss and stood up carrying her with me. Buffy wrapped her legs around my waist as I turned around and gently laid her on the bed and slowly pulled out of her. I heard Buffy whimper in protest but I simply smiled against her lips. I broke our kiss and stared into the hazel orbs that I love so much.

Gently lifting her, I brought her up further onto the bed, gently nudging her down as I covered her body with mine. I kissed her, melding my tongue with hers, settling myself in between her thighs. I felt my hunger returning as I deepened the kiss. Twining her arms around my neck, Buffy seemed to understand my need too. Satisfied only moments ago, we were hungry for each other again. I had never felt so much hunger for someone before. No one roused me like Buffy did.

I heard her moan as I worshipped her lips with my own. For long moments, I just kissed her, nipping her lips and tangling my tongue with hers, allowing her to feel just how much I wanted her. I was in love and in lust with her. She couldn’t catch her breath but I didn’t want to stop kissing her.

When I finally broke the kiss, she filled her emptied lungs as I kissed down her neck and shoulder, pausing at times to suckle on her supple skin. Her warm body melded so well into mine. When I reached her breasts, I took my time, kissing and caressing it. When I blew on the already pebbled nipple, I heard Buffy gasped and I stared up at her between my lashes. She was so perfect.

I stared at the beautiful bosoms for a moment with admiration before suckling it. Buffy threaded her fingers into my hair, mewling under my ministrations. Buffy closed her eyes and simply arched against my mouth as I alternated the attention between the two nubs, leaving her breathless. I kept on licking and sucking as Buffy drowned herself with the suction of my mouth. Moments later, I stopped, she opened her eyes and stared at me with such passion and longing, I felt my nerves tighten with anticipation. I slowly stalked up her body and crushed my lips to hers again, nipping at her warm mouth and melding our tongues. I broke the kiss moments later and stared into her orbs; nuzzling her jaw as I angled myself over her delicious core.

Ever so slowly; I entered her, slipping into her already wet folds. I brought my face back to hers, staring into her eyes as I paused for a moment, revelling in her heat before retreating, only to enter her again, pushing myself deeper inside her. I repeat the pattern over and over again, each time thrusting harder and deeper than before, balancing myself as I shift from my elbows to my palms. I studied her form; her heaving chest as she panted and moaned, her fingers digging into my waist and her slender legs resting on my hips.

Unexpectedly, Buffy pulled my arms, tugging me forward. I tried levelling myself, fearing that I would crush her with my weight only to be met with Buffy’s protest. She panted huskily, “I want you close to me” and I simply nodded. I could never deny her.

Before I knew it, she was crushing my body to hers as she wrapped her arms around my back and wrapped both legs around my waist. She was so hungry with desire that it could only be quenched when I pounded harder into her as she tightened her hold around my waist. Encouraged by her thirst, I thrust forward powerfully, embedding my hard strength entirely inside her. Buffy gasped as I filled her completely and I stopped for a moment allowing her to grasp my strength as I placed myself to the hilt. Buffy gazed into my eyes and I gently whispered, “I love you soo much”.

When I felt her relax, I moved again, thrusting in and out of her, deeper and harder. Buffy’s breath became more erratic as she moaned and grunted. Her moans only fuelled my desire for her as I started kissing her ravenously, plundering my tongue inside her mouth as I increased my cadence. I broke the kiss, rested against her forehead and stared into her eyes as she stared back. I looked at her as if she was the most beautiful thing to me and I felt her quiver under my gaze. She dug her fingernails into my back as if encouraging me to thrust harder. Both were teetering close to the dazzling edge. I drove forward harder and harder and moments later, we reached the divine bliss of ecstasy as we shuddered in each others’ arms.

When reality returned, I pulled myself out of her depths and she gently kissed me with such love and tenderness that I felt like bursting to tears. I began to wonder how I ever found strength to foolishly leave her years ago. She was the only one who could give me eternal bliss and awakened within me feelings of love that know no boundaries.

She is my love, my strength, my sanity, my sanctuary, my life and forever more; my soulmate. I wanted to be whoever she wanted me to be. Buffy simply smiled at me, her teary eyes speaking for her what she could not put to words. She lay still as I kissed her eyes, her nose, her cheeks. She ignited emotions within me I thought I could never feel again.

I see tears started rolling down her face and it broke my heart to see her tears. I leaned down and licked them away as I felt my own potent feelings for her overflow and a solitary tear rolled down my cheek. Buffy reached up, wiped away my tear and let her fingers linger on my face. I leaned into her hand as she caressed his eyes, his cheeks and jaw. When her fingers roamed across my lips, I kissed each tip softly, suckling gently at them.

When she stopped her ministrations and pulled my face back to hers, she leaned up and placed a tender, lingering, loving kiss on my temple. I held still, closing my eyes and took pleasure in the gentle, innocent kiss that beamed volumes of her affections for me. When she pulled away, I laid my head onto her chest, relishing in her warmth. For long moments, we simply held each other; caressing arms, backs and shoulders. No words were necessary.

When I felt her shiver a little, I moved away from her momentarily to retrieve the blanket at the foot of the bed and wrapped us with it before settling once again into her chest, her breasts pillowing my head. Buffy wrapped her arms around my broad shoulders and continued absent-mindedly stroked my back, neck and hair before gently kissing his forehead. Fully replete and exhausted, I closed my eyes and lulled myself to sleep to the melodic sounds of her heartbeat.

* * *

 

The remaining of our days in New York was just as magical and perfect. When it was time for us to return to reality, we had to drag ourselves back to Los Angeles but knew that we had to plan for the next chapter in our lives. 

We didn’t want to wait too long for our wedding and it was set on Valentine’s Day. It was going to be a quiet affair with friends and family only and we tried to keep it hush-hush, not wanting any media to catch wind of our nuptials.

The wedding was every bit beautiful as I dreamed for it to be. When I saw her walked down the aisle, she took my breath away. With only the people we love in attendance, we exchanged our vows and promised forever. When the priest presented us as Mr & Mrs Callahan, I kissed her with vigour, acutely aware that she was finally mine…always and forever.

Our honeymoon was to Ireland and we planned on bringing our kids along but Joyce convinced us to go on our own despite us insisting. We really didn’t want to burden her, having to deal with our kids and we really did not mind bringing them. But, she was adamant that we go as a couple and was backed by Liam and Dawn who suddenly claimed they had pop quizzes they just could not skip. The two weeks in Ireland was every bit romantic and perfect.

When we got back, we immediately went back to work on the fifth season of our show. After filming wrapped, as always, there was a network party announcing the comeback shows.

“Angel, are you here alone?” the reporter asked.  
  
“No, my wife is right there”, I pointed to my left. Buffy got caught by another reporter and was now answering his questions.  
  
“So fifth season huh?”

“Yeah. It’s been a great ride so far”.

“What can we see this season”.

“The couple is definitely much stronger and this season will certainly make people see that love truly conquers all”.

“Ain’t that the truth?”

“It sure is.”

“So, how’s married life?”

“Amazing”, I smiled.

“That good huh?”

“Yeah…you should try it sometime”.

“If I could find a man like you, I would get married in a heartbeat”.

“You’ll find him”.

“Last season, they asked your character, Evan, what his wife was to him and I thought you had the most romantic answer. So, same question to you right now, in one word, what is Buffy to you?”

One word? There was so many things I want to say. She is my best friend, my wife, my love, my life, my everything. I looked at her and see her glancing at me, giving that smile that still makes me weak in the knees and I found my answer.

“My soulmate”, my eyes never leaving Buffy.

* * *

 

Some people don’t believe in soulmates, thinking that it is only for hopeless romantics. Funny how at one point in my life, I was one of them. Sometimes, we see two people and know that they are soulmates; perfect for one another but they don’t end up together. Or that unfair life and circumstances keeps them apart.

All I’m saying is, soulmates do exist…I mean I am living proof…but in reality, not everyone is lucky enough to end up with theirs and a lot of them actually do manage to build a happy life but if they only knew...I guess I’m lucky enough to actually know but it only took me over twenty years and two failed marriages to finally find her but I did.

Here’s to love and I hope and pray everyone is as lucky as me. Believe me, life with your soulmate is infinity times better than settling.


End file.
